Nervous First Time Poster

Hi Sandi, 

First of all big hugs! 

You will be feeling like you've been hit by a train and flung into outer space. Don't worry, there will be much more experienced people than myself along soon to help and advise you.

I've just finished my 6th cycle of chemotherapy for Stage 3 breast cancer with lymph node removal (3 lymphs contained,1 possibly metastatic). This was back in March this year.

It is a roller coaster ride ahead and never, ever, ever be afraid to ask for all the help you can get! It takes some time to get your head around it all.There is so much information to take on board in a very short space of time - total overload! This is the same for everyone at the beginning. Trust me when I say you will get there with it all eventually. Take your time.

I have my fingers, toes and everything else crossed for you!

Marie xxxx {{{hugs}}}

Dear

If anything is “normal” on this journey it’s the waiting ! Waiting for scans then waiting for them to be interpreted- NOT by one person but always by two . Then waiting for pathology to investigate any biopsies - this takes time , you can’t hurry this science . Then all the results will be discussed by MDT - multi discipline team - made up of different professions involved in cancer treatments . Then YOU get the results appointment and hopefully a treatment plan . BUT. They could decide on more tests etc . I was diagnosed January 2018 and had appointments rescheduled due to staff being ill with winter bugs ! But they try hard for us . You can phone the breast care nurses anytime - I know , you may need to leave a message but in my experience they come back as quick as they can . You can also phone the helpline on here , I have spoken to them and they are all lovely and so knowledgable. 

I had melt downs waiting , hubby and I would look at each other and cry , in the midst of this fear and unknown , we developed the closest and most tested bond in our now 44 years of marriage. We survived . We escaped to Tenerife during the waiting , we escaped to our sons in England and Wales - yip we ran away ! But we came back . Faced the journey and travelled it , along with lots of other brave people on this journey. I’ve made lots of new friends and friends I lost touch with came back on the scene . 

it’s hard but you will eventually get a plan . Took me 2 1/2 months to start for me . BUT we are all different ! 

you have come to the best place - brilliant people on here and they will support you 24/7 . 

be gentle on yourself and take care 

Love 

Ruby Rose  

Thanks for your lovely reply, I know some people are so much further on their journey and so i feel almost like a fake asking for help so early on, but i'm struggling, husband, family and work being brilliant but without being horrid to them, they really can not understand what i'm going through and I don't want to shut them out.

Hope you are doing well on your journey x

Hit by a train is right, I'm trying to be strong for my husband & family but i want to scream. I know I have such a long way to go but it is already harder than anyone (other than other sufferers can imagine)

Hope your journey is going well x

Sandi, you don't have to 'be strong'.

This is one time in your life where you do NOT have to justify falling apart a little. And you are certainly not a 'fake'  'fraud' or whatever.

It is a real situation that has to be faced up to. Our partners/family/friends will never, ever fully understand what it is like when you are faced with this situation. The only people who can understand of all of us who have had or are hack the same/similar experience.

Do not hesitate for a single minute in seeking help and advice, or worry about breaking down in tears. I had one or two episodes at the beginning. It's a massive thing you are trying to get your head around.

Do you have a Maggie Centre anywhere near you? Google them, if you are lucky enough to have one please try and get there to talk to them if you can. They are absolutely and utterly brilliant. The staff and the special centres they have built are just wonderful. They will lift your spirits and there is oodles of personal help and advice available. I was right on the bottom when I visited my local Maggies and I can out - after initial floods of tears! - feeling a million times better, a lot more hopeful and upbeat and knowing that I wasn't alone on the journey facing me.

Check their website to see if you have a centre nearby: https://www.maggiescentres.org

Marie xx {hug}

Marie, 

Thank you for your kind and uplifting words, I'm at a stage where each time my eyes fill up I force myself to stop letting the tears flow as I do not wish to be seen as weak, If I am honest I think what I need is a good cry, maybe then i will truly believe what is happening to me, as at the moment it feels like i'm on the outside looking at someone else.

Hope your journey is going well, i will look in to the Maggie Centre thanks for your help xx

Hi there,  what everyone else has said is true about this time being the worst. Thr CT and bone scans are routine when it's in the lymph nodes just to see if it has spread. On most people it hasn't,  so hold onto that fact. When I had my bone scan I chatted to the radiographer, and she did 20-25 bone scans a week (other smaller hospitals referred women to ours). She said everyone thinks that it's spread and that they're going to die,  but in fact only one or two show spread.

The other point is that if it's in your lymph nodes then it's still local. Stage 4 is when it isn't curable.  Do you know how many nodes they think it's in from the ultrasound? Have they discovered the type of breast cancer yet? (ER+, PR+, HER2+/-, triple negative are the usual ones). 

Hopefully you'll have the scans and their results in the next couple of weeks so that things are clear in your head,  and you have a treatment plan.  Good luck,  and I know that it's impossible to do,  but try to find some ways to relax xxx

Sandi, you have to be the one who comes first at every opportunity from now on.

This is definitely the one time in your life when the emphasis has to shift across to you and YOU become number one.

I know it's very different when you have children to care for (I don't have any) and you will feel the huge responsibility and duty of care that comes with that territory. That's what will be making it even more difficult for you to accept that you are now an involuntary member of the 'cancer club' and the changes that this inevitably makes to your life. 

It is going to be a long journey and everybody has to get on board supporting you though it. They don't fully understand what's happening either at this stage!

BUT - definitely don't ever feel guilty! And even more definitely don't feel you're being 'weak' by asking for help or for allowances to be made because of your situation. Your health is now the number one priority, the rest will take care of itself eventually - trust me on that one! 

Everyone is here to help you however we can, and in whatever small way - even if just by typing a few words of encouragement!  There is lots of support out there and you will get through this. 

Marie xx {hug}

Hi again

i would definitely recommend Maggies - I visited soon after diagnosis , and pop in every now and again, my husband had a morning with them once and they really helped him , my sons also visited. 

You are not weak for crying - tears are the soap of the soul. Me - I never returned to work since the day I was diagnosed but I’m older and only worked 2 days a week, I officially took early retirement in August. 

You will never be weak on this journey . Take care , this is the worst time for you. 

Love 

Ruby Rose  

I don't feel I should be responding as my situation is a bit more straightforward ( as far as I know!) but just had to say look after you. Don't be strong - let it all hang out!! I have great difficulty in crying and feel it would be better if I can.  if anyone says "at least"  before they set off with platitudes imagine how good it would feel to give them a slap!!  I wouldn't of course, but starting a sentence with those words is no help to anyone in our situation.

We are all stronger than we know and are all here to help each other through this. I am an older old bat (76) with pink and navy highlights and am a long retired nurse who knew little about breast cancer 15 years on from my other life until i joined this exclusive club!!