Help! Serious melt down today

you are not a failure   you are a human       i have read quite a few posts lately where after treatment  we get hit by the  full force of what we have actually been through     sometimes we need to  take time for ourselves and say   i need space to think and just be me

i am sure plenty of us want to do and say exactly what you have done today   dont get hung up on it  put it behind you and look forward to tomorrow     is this normal behaviour for your husband that perhaps you have tolerated before or is it he needs some help with his own issues ?

as for the neighbour    tough luck  live is crappy sometimes and we need to vent    are they mother theresa or something

You are not a failure  you are somebody who has coped and is still coping with a load of crap .  

Hard as it is you need to tell hubby that you need support from him ..that it is a two way thing . 

You  need to put aside some time for yourself . Explain to hubby if you don't look after your self you certainly won't be fit to look after him or the house !

as for the neighbour ..tough .

My advice is forget it ..put it down to normal behaviour under adverse conditions and yes it may happen again but there should be no guilt attached to it !

Margaret x

Hey peterawake,

I totally understand how you feel, you are doing the best you can in the given situation and just because you lost it doesn't mean you are a failure-quite the opposite in fact. Putting on a brave face and getting on with life in front of loved ones all the time is no easy task especially when one has been or going through this difficult journey! I joined a support group in my area to meet people who are or have been in a similar situation and I feel much better and calmer ever since as I get to share how I feel with them. Try to get a break and do something that you love to unwind and don't worry too much about the neighbour.

Take care,

SVB 

, the others have said it all. You are amazing coping with all that. Big hugs xx

You're not a failure. You're an amazing person who has been in an incredibly stressful position for a long time, managing with what seems pretty much no help.  You're not superhuman.  If I was your neighbour I'd be concerned for you going through all this and ask if you needed help.  

Is your husband settled now? Is there something you could do to relax before bed time? I don't know what your husband's memory is like (my mum's was under 2 hours for at least 8 years) so he'll probably not even remember the argument,  and probably can't remember your breast cancer.  That makes it really hard for you that the person you live with and is meant to support you is helpless. 

Could you maybe do some groundwork about contacting thr local council older persons support (or whatever they are called) and explain your situation? It sounds like you really need support more than ever. 

I was my mum's main carer for years,  from the time my daughters were 2 and 5 until they were teenagers, and the stress and guilt i felt i falling them all though i had no quality of life for myself as I was running around trying to do all I could for them .....

I hope that tomorrow is better,  but maybe your breaking point today is a wake up call? Hugs (((0)))

Owwww ..... You are human, that is the long and short of it.... YOU ARE HUMAN!!! 

You are angry, you are tired, you are fed up, you are dealing with the running of the house, you are dealing with the household bills, you are organising with the shopping, you are finding time to look after and care for your horse, you are finding time to looking after and care for your dog, you are cooking food, you are cleaning, you are washing up, you are doing laundry, you are caring for your husband, you are worried about your husband, you are worried for your husband, you are worrying about the future, you are worrying about today, you are worrying about tomorrow, you are worried about what your neighbours are thinking (cough, cough... fingers up them), you are worried about your treatment, you are worried about your mental well being, you are tired, you are stressed...... Emma and these are 'just a few of the things I can think of...... and I only know you 'on here'!!  

You are human.... you have reacted like this for a reaction!!  You want 'someone' (husband) to be putting arms around you and telling you everything will be okay, you want him to listen to you and help ease your worries..... the sad thing is.... (sorry men).... he's a man, they don't think like us!! 

Plus, as you know, your husband is going thought is own worries and maybe him saying he was in pain... was his way of wanting a hug and reassurance.... trouble is it came at totally the wrong time.

Hate to admit this Peterawake..... I will for you..... you know the not brushing your hair.... when I'm in the house, I will tye my hair up with a elastic thing.... and there is can stay for 'days', a week even!! - I can take the elastic out and my hair is 'still in the up position' and as for washing, well I best not go there - I'm either too tired (normally this) and also I think it 'saves me time so I can get on and do something else'! (which I don't do either).

To be honest, I think we all know truthfully, each of us are suffering from a form of depression brought on by this - but, like this the BC 'we battle on' we don't want to look weak!!!!! My goodness me, when you have heard those words said, you then understand how it feels - until your hear them I don't think any of us understand and then boom 'we know'.

Please don't be any harder on yourself, you have and are going though enough, melt downs are allowed as are anything and everything else.  Laugh it off with hubby, this is what I have had to start doing.... I am now at times a 'vile' person to my hubby and I have to joke saying .... you won't like me, please don't trigger me.... because, like you have done today.... I can flip at the slightest thing......

(Confession.... who in there right mind would say to their husband if you don't start been nice to 'x' - I will start been nasty to.... now I can't be nasty...... 'his pride and joy' - I said.... I will have to go in the garage and cause an accident, maybe knock something over, or pop some sugar in the petrol tank.... come on.... who in their right mind would say such a thing; hmmm me, I said it and believe me at the time I was thinking 'I will, I will' and deep breaths and relax.... I didn't.  In a way it is like the worse kind of PMT you could ever imagine and then some more).

Don't be thinking you are a failure..... as that makes the rest of us here the same - and we are not, we are so, so much more than all of this. 

When I was having a bad day, I heard this song on the TV and it stayed with me, it was just how I felt, I'll see if I can post link to it

And as for your horse, tomorrow go out and give him loads of love.... when I was a teenager I was always at the stables doing everything I could, mucking out stables, cleaning yard, feeding, etc all so I could 'take a ride out' for the school.  Then when I was in a position to be able to afford to have a horse.... I wouldn't - I would dread fireworks etc and would want him 'in the house with me' - so was best I didn't and now, well, now I think I'm too old. 

I am sorry I have done my usual and waffled on.... just remember .... you are not a failure, you really aren't.  What would you say to us if we had wrote your post.... would you think we are failures?

Right going to attach the link....

Sending you big hugs and loads of love xxxx

This was the post from last year....

Hello everyone,

Well this post has given me the chance to share this song with you.  

I had wanted to share it last year, a few months after my journey first started, it seemed to put across how I was feeling at that time,  Trouble was, I didn't know if it would fit in.  It just seemed how life was, taking care of others feelings - yet when I wanted to talk or seek reassurance I felt so alone.  This loneliness lead me to see, we are all alone more so when it comes to this journey, as much as we want others to be part of it - they can be by our sides, but can't actually do the journey for us.

Okay, I am stopping now, I'm waffling.... Imelda May - Should've Been You ....

I could tell you all the things I do for you
But it's no surprise and you just roll your eyes and say
"Here we go again,
She's gonna moan again"

I should spare your love, just a thing or two
But you don't disguise it when I'm just white noise
And it's done before it begins
Cause your temper's getting thin

But there's just one thing that I wanna know
Just one little thing before I go
Before I go

It's who takes care of me?
Tell me, who takes care of me?
Should've been you
Should've been you

Do you realize? No, you never will
Cause your head's held high and you got your pride
I've got a little of mine still
Yeah, the bit you couldn't kill

I'll never blame you and I always will
I can't explain it but it hurts like hell
And I'm feeling so alone
Yeah, I'm lonely to the bone

But there's just one thing that I wanna know
Just one little thing before I go
Before I go

It's who takes care of me?
Tell me, who takes care of me?
Should've been you, oh!
Should've been you, oh!

And I'm angry
And I'm sad
I'm the best thing, that you ever had
All I wanted, was your touch
But you told me, what I wanted was just too much

Oh, who takes care of me?
Tell me, who takes care of me?
Should've been you, oh!
Should've been you
Should've been you
Should've been you

Sending love to everyone xxxxxx

(Not sure if video will work)

Wise words from everyone who posted , sometimes the brain can t cope with any more , I hope you can get some time for yourself , there was a post somewhere on this forum which I screenshot and read when I am having a bad day , “ remember to live while you are surviving “ 

another weekend looming , I am doing a craft stall tomorrow , although it is indoors , if it rains people don’t attend in numbers. I am still raising money for the new radiotherapy machine ,it is slow going. !!

good luck to optimistic.......and anyone else who needs it ! Me x

Hi SVB

A good idea to join a support group. Feeling bit better today, life just seems to be such a struggle every day. 

Best Wishes. 

Hi Ursula,

Thank you for your response. The Big C is bad enough to deal with let alone living with someone s elses illness every day, that isnt even the person you once knew as your husband. You're right about the neighbour, they should have a day of it and see how they would cope. 

Best Wishes. 

Hi WhatHappened,

Thank you for taking the time to post such a detailed reply. I think you're right we are all dealing with some sort of depression following the cancer diagnosis and treatment, it brings a lot of baggage with it. 

Thanks for the link.

Best Wishes.