How to stay in control And help yourself

Hi , keeping busy but not exhausting yourself is the best advice I can give at this stage! Do you have any support from family and friends? If so this is the time to start accepting any offers of help! Just going out for coffee and a chat can help lift your mood, remember life goes on around you and you don’t have to talk about Cancer unless you want/need too! 

I was one of the people who decided to carry on working, it gave me a sense of normality. Although I think some people would call that putting your head in the sand, but it worked for me at the time! Yes I paid for it years later! 

There is no right and wrong in all this. You need to do what is right for you. However you did mention a panic attack, if you are starting to feel very anxious about things, which is understandable, talking to your GP about this might help! I know a lot of ladies found they needed some form of antidepressants to help them through the coming months after diagnosis! Asking for help ISN’T a sign of weakness in fact you could argue admitting you need extra support is a sign of strength!! 

Maybe a trip to the cinema or a long walk, a good book or a box set that you haven’t had time to watch up to now? But definitely try and meet someone or have someone over. You don’t want to be spending too much time alone! 

Remember we are all here to listen and offer support where we can! Take Care Hun...

Sal xxxx

Hi Yanyan,

Londonlass has given you such a lot of good advice. Hopefully some of her suggestions will be things you enjoy and can turn to. It's fine you've decided to stop work if that was a possibility because it will remove some of the stress and time tabling from your day so that if you feel like a rest you can take one but it will also mean you have more thinking time so it will be very important you occupy yourself with things that take your mind away from the wait.

Do you like cooking?sewing?, painting? knitting? photography?Not being at work gives you a good opportunity to spend time on these.

The most important thing that you have got to convince both yourself and your husband......and I know this isn't easy but it is important....is that you have been not been handed a death sentence. BC is one of the most treatable types of cancer. The treatments may not be pleasant .....and of course you won't know your plan until the biopsy results have been analysed.....but the recovery, success rate is reassuring. There is nothing unusual about this wait...... or indeed if you don't have to wait long between tests. Different areas operate different systems. In my own case I had everything done at the same time....mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy but then I still had to wait for the analysis. After that I met the surgeon the following week and had a lumpectomy 2 weeks later. Then there was more analysis ...this time the tumours....and the treatment it was thought I might have because the tumours were small had to be changed because the analysis was now triple negative.  The waiting didn't change my survival odds.....I'm still here with a four year mammogram looming shortly. I'd love to say life is back to normal but I am already thinking about this next mammogram.  Logically it should be clear....I have check ups every four months... .but amazingly my breast has started to ache and is the nipple right? .....I can't  be sure.

So you see your fear is totally normal but you have a difficult year (s) ahead of you and it really is important that you try to distract yourself from additional worry until you really know what you are dealing with. 

Enjoy the sunshine and this lovely weekend by doing something nice. As soon as you have your plan you will feel more in control but keep reminding yourself that you are already on the way to recovery.

Cyber hugs.

Love Karen

Thanks. I’m normally a strong person but I feel so rubbish I just can’t seem to shake off how awful I feel. I do feel like I’ve been handed a death sentence and I can’t seem to shake it. In fact I feel I darent believe I’ll be ok. Only two days ago I was being told by two doctors and a specialist that they thought it was an infected cyst to having that taken away literally minutes later and being told it was something more sinister. I guess that’s where am at and I just can’t seem to shake it. My thoughts are just torture but there seems nothing to be positive about. I still have my daughters to tell and I’m petrified of the coming treatments already. I also feel quite alone. I have a hubby who’s at work and two brothers who live hundreds of miles away one of which doesn’t know as he’s on holiday. Friends dip in and out with offers of coming over but I just don’t feel upto it. There is a lack of positivity all around and this scares me further I guess. I have got diazepam from my doc but haven’t used it yet as I don’t want to feel spaced out but maybe it’s the way forward x

Hi

Its so hard isn't it and when you listen to everyone else you think I can't be that strong ,I know I did . 

Then you find your path and discover your own strength it may be thru the likes of this forum and being able to spill all your anger and fear out .Also on occasion having A giggle because you can . 

I put my work head back on and became very organised read up on what I might need for comfort during treatment and prepared .Also cooked and baked for freezer so wouldn't go hungry  

The only thing I can add to other comments is try to keep busy and distracted whilst waiting .

Like Karen says take up an old or new hobby . I used to read a lot but find I don't focus very well now too tired .

So I am thinking of making rag rug after seeing some on here 

It is surprising that with distraction you can have times when you not actively "waiting " 

I along with hubby escaped to Cumbria inbetween appointments . Also planned time away before treatment started . 

Now in between treatments we are exploring our local area something we hadn't done for a while. 

Just remember everyone different 

take care 

margaret x

I took 5 months off work from day of biopsy !  My job required a clear, logical head and I couldn’t think straight.  I’m lucky though as my hubby was already retired so he made me go out for a drive or walk almost everyday.  I found it easier just being around him as I didn’t have to make conversation!

Re telling your daughter - I think hiding it from them is adding to your stress and they must have picked up something is wrong do consider talking to them.  You may find your mothering instinct to protect and reassure them helps you feel more positive.

My daughter was away on uni and didn’t know I had been recalled and had a biopsy but once I had results we drove the 80 miles to see her as i couldn’t tell her on phone.  I sobbed all the way there and when I told her but then my mothering instinct kicked in and said we were still going to New York 5 days later,  I felt calmer after telling her .

Every single one of us remembers that time of waiting very clearly not matter how long ago it was. I couldn’t eat or sleep, walked the dog in the dark, spent way too much time googling....I couldn’t concentrate on anything even watching tv was hard. Everyone is different but what helped me was a prescription from the doctor....and I reread Harry Potter! Know the stories so well I didn’t have to concentrate but it whisked me away to a new place for a couple of hours...Inalso took time to be outside...sitting in a sunny spot or walking through some countryside. 

It is hard but it does get better.

Keep talking, we’re listening.

Hi Yanyan,

i think this is a time for some sort of mindfulness, I know it’s a ‘modern’ name for just something that takes you out of yourself and the hurt, anguish and pain you’re going through right now, to occupy you totally ‘in the moment’. It might be any of the things that others have so ably suggested, it might be something quite different that you yourself know will help take you away from the angst just for a bit.

sending understanding hugs, we’ve all been there and understand so well

xxx

I read lots of escapist populist novels from the likes of David Baldacci and Greg Hurwitz. I visited a relative in Edinburgh (who I didn't tell) for a few days and treated myself to a better hotel and seeing a Mary Beard lecture at the uni there. I sat in the garden (pre chemo as it makes you sun sensitive), I Googled too much, not just the type of cancer i had but the staff treating me as well. I blew a lot of Airmiles as I didn't see the point in keeping something I'd never use ( I wish I'd kept them now!), did a lot of laundry as it wasn't challenging but was exercise (lol),  and I sometimes just lay about unable to do much at all, as if a big magnet had pinned me there, but apparently the magnet is called anxiety.. I'd go out and wonder how everyone looked normal as some of them must also have cancer too, but maybe treated, or undiagnosed yet, like mine was.

It's an awful time but it will pass and you'll find out more about your type of cancer.soon.then have a plan explained to you. The whole team will have looked at your results and discussed your treatment in advance of that. It will be personalised for you, so that if your cancer is hormone based and not too big it will be surgery first, then chemo, possibly radiotherapy and other treatments will follow. If it's triple negative or HER2+ you'll probably have chemo first. Those are the usual ways of doing it but sometimes they change it around.  Because they think that a couple of nodes are affected they will probably do staging scans (usually CT and a full body bone scan), and when you have your lumpectomy or mastectomy they will also do an axillary clearance to remove the affected modes and check the others, as it about 20% of positive nodes (like my one) don't show on an ultrasound scan. IN my case it was after the sentinel scan when they did all the staging followed by more surgery on the nodes, and another period of recovery!

I know that it's really tough mentally at the moment, but it's a good time to do things that your treatment will make harder. Surgery will make you a bit stiff and tired and unable to do certain things for a few weeks.Chemo will make you photosensitive,as well as the other side effects of it. If you have a PICC line than you can't swim.Radiotherapy (if you have it) will make you tired and sore.

Treatment will last for months, so have you plans for that? When will you tell work? Are you likely to be able to sometimes work? Will you get pay/sick pay etc? If money might be an issue speak to your Macmillan nurse as they are great at advising on rights, grants and benefits.  I'm in an extremely busy school library, so I  had to stay off work after my mastectomy then again with my level III clearance as I'd end up lifting things I shouldn't after my surgeries if I went in. I was touching books and many keyboards every day normally,  as well as being face to face with 100+ teenagers daily and exposed to all their different germs so working now with chemo would be a bad idea. You will be given chemo with nodes involved, and it will be for 5-6 months probably. You'll also have surgery which will take 6 weeks to heal, but chemo will probably start about a month after surgery. Sometimes there will be delays for scan results, bloods not recovered for the next chemo, surgery delayed for some reason on so on. Could you maybe use your time now to do something nice, prepare for the treatment ahead and let work know why and how long for you might potentially be off for? If you can't face speaking to your manager then maybe just email a vague update if you haven't already.

Take care of yourself and good luck distracting yourself for the next week. Hopefully some of the results will be back then:) x

Hi Yanyan

I know I am repeating what the others on the group are saying but your feelings you are experiencing are what most of us felt like at the stage your at. I felt exhausted in those weeks of waiting, but could not sleep. I suffer with anxiety and as I said previously to you my anxiety went through the roof during the waiting time. Have you got any meditation or mindfulness classes near you? I have attended classes for a few years now and certainly helps me , your will still think negatively about your health but the therapy will calm you down. I also go to Yin Yoga and that is great for stress, it is a very gentle yoga. If you cannot get to a class there is a lot of help online and will show you what helps to calm you down. If you need to take the Diazepam then take it, it will help you through this very stressful journey .

Thinking of you

Rita

x   

You've already made some important steps. You've got your diagnosis. Now you await further scans and then you will receive your treatment plan.

I remember well how I felt at that stage in 2016. Shell shocked. Lots has happened since. You may wish to look at my profile.

Initially it was hard as I didn't want to tell my Mum and relatives before I knew results. It helped when I had them and the plan for surgeries. I could then confront my relatives with these. And take on what I accepted as necessary then.

It was easier to tell friends and that helped from the start. 

You write: "I just want to feel like I can just potter about".  My pottery group sessions helped me a lot. Members were kept aware of all developments, and keeping up pottery was and is very uplifting. 

Could you find some creative activity, instead of iPad and gaming that would keep you active while channeling your energy into something more soothing?

And doing things at home can be rewarding, too. 

Enjoy eating, cooking. The thing that  mostly annoys me about my still ongoing chemotherapy is the change of taste that comes for a week after  it. So happy when my taste is back then. Hadn't expected this.

You will, unfortunately, have to undergo lots of unpleasant treatment, consultations, waiting times, But try to keep up the things that you like, as much as you can.