Just writing it down . . . may help me?

Oh Anne,

Never apologise for a rant on here! It's what we're all here for, and most of us have had our own rants. What an awful time you've had Everyone has a breaking point, and you have been so brave through all this nightmare - really strong and 'cup half full' - but this is well beyond what most people have to cope with, and all in the last year. Could you be referred for help with day-to day living until things improve? Maybe your doctor would know how to do that? It's hard when you are the strong one and can't do it anymore, but as someone whose been there (not with the mobility issues but family support to mother with dementia and one daughter), there's not only the usual difficulties, but a sense of failing others, not wanting to be helped as the 'strong one',  and fear for the future.

I asked to speak to a psychiatrist for the first time ever when diagnosed as it impacted on the support I gave my daugher, and my prognosis was worsened by my SIL who decided to claim the family home (despite only owning 1/4 like DH) and who unknown to us was not forwarding medical letters (Routine mammogram letters for summer and November last year I never knew about), meaning I was not diagnosed at the really early stage I could have been. Speaking to my brilliant hospital psychiatrist every few weeks has really helped me cope and move forward, and I can recommend it having someone who can listen, analyse and support at these times..

I hope that you can have a good chat with your friend, and if nothing else can enjoy the break out. ((((X)))) 

Thank you Londonmumof2.  You have been though it all too.  When we are low we get so self centred and forget that so many other people are going through equally tough or tougher times.  

Hubby gone to golf.  Got him to bring my outside walker in.  I have put a tray on it so I can carry food through.  Takes up s lot of room and constant reminder of my difficulties but it is easier.  Didn't need it inside before hols but hey ho.

Take care xx

Oh Anne, sweetie,

What a pickle, you really do need to find out what’s going on? And if not here, where else can you rant, knowing people really understand and care about you? Please do use the site, I know you think it’s not bc related but it’s happened after the bc and could truly be a rare side effect from all you’ve been through.....

my retired OT hat on here; a small trolley? The OT service used to do one which you could use as a walker too. 

Big hugs, lovey xxx

Hi.. 

A gentle hug

Do hope you got to see your pal and were able to enjoy it without having to be ' strong' or worrying about how to get back etc.

I am not fully up to speed with the sort of help you have managed to access whilst awaiting some medical answers?

Please don't feel bad at feeling overwhelmed. What would you be saying to someone else in your situation? We are rubbish at putting ourselves first and taking  our own advice. We are much kinder and more practical towards others.

You know loss is huge and devastating and needs time to be worked through...however at the moment you are not getting that time as everyday you have new loss! 

Please be kind to yourself. Look for and accept any and all help and be strong only in that if the help is not right or enough say so. 

Counseling can be a huge help in oiling the wheels to get us through...is there any provision of MacMillan face to face counseling in your area? I know your first reaction will be 'how will I get there?!!. What about telephone counselling? Glad you reached out to Samaritans last night ...even if the response was a bit predictable. The process of getting it down on screen/paper can help you organise your thoughts and articulate your emotions.

OK stopping now as teaching granny how to suck eggs!

Take care

Hi so sorry to hear you're feeling this way but it's only natural with so much on. I understand a bit of how you feel about being strong for everyone I was so traumatised at diagnosis partly due to how oncologist worded it but that's another story.  I fell into massive shock for months and couldn't function properly I really felt so bad on my children and hubby as I'd always been so competent  Thankfully I've turned a corner but still struggle with recurrence fears I've tried  many ways to deal with but now just plough on. I know this is different to your physical problems. 

However I just wanted to suggest Breasts Cancer Haven i don't know how publicised it is but they offer all sorts of help including counselling which if you can't get there also telephone counselling. I used the Leeds branch as nearest to me but they have other centres and the telephone counselling meant i could chat in my own home  and say things I didn't want to put on the family  the lady was wonderful and I still have some sessions left if I ever want to use them  Its just an idea I hope you meet your friend and get out today you have a strong spirit xxx

Ann Jac.....of course you should post here.

Like  me your mobility problems  have developed post chemo. I had an OP last year in an attempt to help as a vertebra was pushing on the sciatic nerve and my leg in constant  pain kept ceasing up. No one admits to the relationship with chemo but the physiotherapist told me so many of his referrals have had cancer treatments. Unfortunately for me it hasn't  worked and I had to have a second op 15 days after first when I developed  a serious infection which needed draining. I was in icu for several days. Unfortunately it didn't  work. A new irm shows the problem continues. Neuro surgeon has sent me back to physio twice a week until late August for next appointment.  I take 200g of pregabalin daily  for pain. Do you have that? It sort of works.There is a link to the neuropathy  from the Taxotere. I mention it only for you to see that the awful problems you are suffering and which nobody seems to care about probably had a connection to your cancer. 

I hope your friend arrives to help you or at least give you confidence to try to get your scooter on your own. I was thinking about the meal problem.....how about a tray trolley. ( I don't  know what to call it.) You could put your plate and a stick on it and push it to your chair......

I know exactly how desperate  you feel. To have the cancer removed but to end up unable to move around......I can't  do a proper shop or go for a walk or visit an interesting place without needing to sit and you are in a worse position.

If you think there are some similarities and you ever want a chat please PM me. I don't  like to go into too much detail on the general site because I  don't  want to alarm new comers. Many people will never have these problems and won't even need to know they exist. But you need to rant all you like.....pain and immobility are very waring.

Big cyber hug.....

Hopefully by now you're out in the sunshine on the ' cart'

Love Karen

Thank you everyone.  I managed to get out and met my friend.  So nice to get out.  She helped me buy some new shoes as my feet are very swollen and I only had one pair I could get on and they were getting very tatty.  Home and safely in.  But all do exhausting.  But will do it again tomorrow as a school friend is coming across on the train and I will scoot down and meet her for coffee chats and lunch.  

I have put a tray on willy Wonka walker and that is working for now.  So I am managing.   The stairs will have to be tackled and may have to get a stairlift sooner rather than later.

Lacomtekp - I have no pain to speak of.  Tightness in achilles tendons which is sore but main problem is footdrop to left leg and I now cannot move my foot at all.  My right leg and foot is gradually being affected too.  I will be asking to see a physio as well as neurologist and am going to ring bcn and ask to see oncologist.  There has to be some link.  And I know what you mean about not frightening others - we must be so unusual.  I will send you a friend request xx

Thank you everyone.  I managed to get out and met my friend.  So nice to get out.  She helped me buy some new shoes as my feet are very swollen and I only had one pair I could get on and they were getting very tatty.  Home and safely in.  But all do exhausting.  But will do it again tomorrow as a school friend is coming across on the train and I will scoot down and meet her for coffee chats and lunch.  

I have put a tray on willy Wonka walker and that is working for now.  So I am managing.   The stairs will have to be tackled and may have to get a stairlift sooner rather than later.

Lacomtekp - I have no pain to speak of.  Tightness in achilles tendons which is sore but main problem is footdrop to left leg and I now cannot move my foot at all.  My right leg and foot is gradually being affected too.  I will be asking to see a physio as well as neurologist and am going to ring bcn and ask to see oncologist.  There has to be some link.  And I know what you mean about not frightening others - we must be so unusual.  I will send you a friend request xx

I had the same problem with carrying things in the house, the McMillan occupational therapist got me a Walker with 2 trays on which is brilliant 

... nothing I can add to everyone’s supportive input. put it so well. I do hope you contact everyone you need to and get the support/input you need ... don’t struggle alone ... keep on posting. Sending you lots of gentle hugs xx