Struggling to be positive

Hi Freda, I am exactly the same age as you; diagnosed the day before my 51st birthday.  I also have exactly the same feelings & this site has been a godsend.  I started riding the neoadjunctive chemo train on the 11th of June. I am down, 6 to go.  My detailed story is in my profile, I have sent you a friend request.

In the meantime I am sending love 

Deb x 

HI Freda 1, I'm sorry you are feeling like this. The way you are feeling is perfectly normal and its important you allow yourself time to take in what's happened. I felt exactly the same as you September 2017, I was given the all clear November 2018. I felt exactly the same, sheer panic and fear of the unknown. I remember sitting at home thinking, I can either sit in a corner crying or I can embrace everything that is going to come  at me. I suddenly found this unbelievable inner strength that I didn't know I had. From that moment I saw the chemo as my best friend, who was fighting my battle  for me, but in the process I may get a bit battered myself. I stuck to my routine of getting up every morning, showering, getting dressed. On days I felt a bit rough I rested on the sofa, good days I visited family, work and friends. I also listened to a meditation app on my phone called " Cell Therapy Meditation" this really worked mentally for me. I'm lucky that I was able to keep smiling and be positive throughout. You will get through this period. I hope I've been of help . Thinking of you, stay strong and positive.

Hi Deb,  great yp hear from you   Any advice for riding the chemo train ?  I'm planning to get my fair clipped before the chemo but apart from that no idea what to expect.  

Wow thank you - I really need to hear these sort of stories.  A friend said to look at as you give the medics a year of your life and theh give you back the rest of your life - it's just so hard to be positive 

Lovely Meditation speaks wise words! 

I have had masses of pain in my breast but after just one session the tumour had shrunk significantly, so as Meditation, I see my chemo as a superhero.  It has its flaws, I have SE’s but not the SE’s I was expecting, just odd stuff, this too, like everything else, shall pass. Keep off Dr Google..... 

Whilst there is no easy order of things for this, getting chemo started has been a huge challenge for me due to my anxiety over procedures, I have to have some pretty heavy meds’ to get through the door & occasionally need them at home.  My Prof is a legend, says everyone copes differently & tells me if I cannot have the drugs I need now he would be a pretty poor Dr to refuse me.  He tells me ‘you will pop out at the other end’

I am learning to live & deal rather than trying to let it consume my life.  

Always here x 

I have lots of pain in the breast also which just feels like a constant reminder of the cancer  - in my head I think I can feel the cancer growing.  Consultant says the chemo should reduce the pain which I'm really looking forward to.  

yep keeping off Dr. Google is good advice that I need to follow.

Hi Daisyjake, This is so wonderful to be able to share our mutual experiences and support each other. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't feel some kind of fear. I promise you will get through the treatment and will probably find out things about yourself that you didn't realise, positive things. Yes, I still have the thought at the back of my mind, what if it comes back, I would do exactly what I did the first time, stay strong, positive and plenty of laughing. Mine was Grade 2 Her 2 strongly positive and spread to lymph nodes. I looked better with no hair, no buying expensive hair products, no worrying about if my hair looked ok, it was great, I saved time and money! I have my final nipple reconstruction operation in August, I'm now back at work full time and wonder did I really go through all that! You will find after your treatment that you certainly realise what's important in life and what isn't. I'm a great believer that out of every negative situation, there is a positive too, well I've come out the other end with many positives. Another cancer patient and myself made friends and she always called us the warriors, so welcome to the warriors club and Deb. Big hug to you all.

Toi

What a really lovely message Toi, I adore hearing story’s like yours xxxx

Hi Toi,  it really helps to hear about the happy future when you mind is full of treatment thank you