Single & Life with Cancer

Hi rexsi78,

I live alone & as you say friends & family are lovely to have for support in daylight hours, but once night sets in or wakefulness in the small hours, life is very hard.

I started going to GPs with pain near on two years ago then last Feb the pain got worse, especially ay night.. Kept being told although GP said unusual to be in so much pain when resting., Even had to call 999 one night.

I have shed loads of tears & thought I could not cry anymore. My neighbour has told me to phone her in the night, but I could not do that.

The best thing is to just cry s much as you need or want. I got myself a new cat in December .

I had 2 rescue cats 18 months before this. then in the January the one got run over because a neighbour had kept her in her house instead of sending her home. She was mostly black & it was a wet night So the next day I got a phone call.

The other although only young had fits, & I did not want her on drugs because of blood test.& drugs not 100%

She was very daring, twice I had the fire brigade out because she chased squirrels up the tallest trees about & could not get down, having spent all night up them.

Then she climbed onto a neighbours roof, again spent the night there. Luckily my friends husband climbed onto the parch & managed to manoeuvre a ladder onto the roof, dormer bungalow, & she came down.

Then in August her fits escalated & I had to have her put to sleep.

I was devastated & gave all my cat things & food away.

I knew by then I had cancer & as it was my third lot I did not want to risk getting a pet not knowing what I had to face.

When I finished chemo I felt I needed a little friend. She is adorable & follows me about. sleeps by me where ever it may be.

Just be kind to your self & it does get easier. This site is amazing. The `Awake` thread has helped me over these last months, especially at night because you can write what you are feeling & there will be an answer & kind words & usually something funny to make you smile. take each hour then day at a time. Scilly x

Hello , 

Welcome to the group and forum that none of us wanted to join.

I can't help with the 'being single'.  I do think that with a partner the same as without we can still feel alone.  We are the ones with the thoughts running though our minds and wondering what we should do.  Yes a partner is brilliant to talk to and have them listen, but, it you look on a lot of the threads 'they don't really understand us' - hence why we are all on here.

Night times are times when our minds decide to play us up - giving us all types of random thoughts, hence LondonLass started a thread called 'Awake' - there is always someone dropping in and out throughout the night and day.

Before bed, I found it helpful to listen to "mindfulness" apps on my mobile phone.  Do relaxation breathing too this helped me 'drop off to sleep'.

Even thought you feel alone, now you are here you are amongst fruit loops, errrr, I mean... Friends.

Keep posting and any questions, we will all try and help xx 

Hey there

I'm doing it alone too. I have children and family but they are not near me (overseas, army and over 100 miles away)

It hasn't helped that my sister was diagnosed with BC 6 weeks after me so she is now focused, as she should, on her own journey.

I have made sure that all medical peeps knew I was on my own and had little back up. This meant that I stayed overnight in hospital after my lumpectomy instead of being a day case.

I have good friends and good neighbours but they are not family. I am aiming to self drive to RT sessions realistic that I might need to use some friends for lifts towards the end ....but maybe not. Again my plan is to ask someone once so the 'burden is spread.

I have found the worst problem is actually feeling isolated ... even with 3 cats in the house! My work colleagues are working, my friends are working and I am at home alone. My coping mechanism is to baten down the hatches and keep close to home but that doesn't help the isolation.  I agree with the other comment ... even when people say you can call them day or night ... i just know i couldn't do that to them unless life threatening.

I have read an immense amount and know the possible complications but I  am not stressing these as I  might not get any side effects, might get some or all but I  am savvy enough to know I am not crossing this bridge today. So it's not today's problem.

I have my feet on the floor, I am aware of what could be, not stressing until I have to and keeping the rest of my life as normal as possible.

On step at a time, one day at a time - remembering to live life too. Clichė perhaps but wise words too.

This forum is great so many lovely ladies here with pearls of wisdom. We are not truly alone when strangers reach out to us in kindness.

Sending hugs. You can do this. I have faith in you - this too shall pass!

Xxx 

 Hi  

Yes it is difficult experiencing cancer ( twice in my case), while single. Take it day to day I imagine. 

Both my elderly parents have passed away : 2012 and 2016. 

I have no children, no brothers and sisters, no close family.

My mum was adopted and my dad’s brother stopped contacting him in the 1950’s. I found his details some years back &  spoke to him on the phone ( as his niece), his response was a casual “ Oh is he still alive ? “ ( Nice ... so I didn’t bother again). 

I found my mum’s real half sisters many years ago, through an adoption organisation. They lived in London and the South East and my mum was happy to meet them and vice versa but ....they had nothing in common. 

I live alone with a Rescue cat who provides company of sorts.

I had to retire on ill health grounds  from full time work as a Youth Worker for the last 18 yrs with a North London Local Authority,  which I enjoyed. 

I’m now taking chemo tablets long term and have  daily stomach injections at GP ( blood thinners 1 in 10 with cancer can get DVT or blood clots in lungs).  I had blood clots in lungs which have decreased, also had a minor blood clot in leg a year ago. Started  the injections last Nov, DN calls at weekends: I hate needles !!!

I hope to go on tablets instead at the start of June,  then maybe I can socialise more eg yoga Pilates volunteer gardening etc. As yet I don’t have a network of friends where I live now. 

Nights are difficult, as I don’t sleep well, the Macmillan forum is a godsend. The Awake Thread on Breast Cancer is a good one to look at.

Judith xx 

Jmp.......I don’t know how old you are, but as you are retired have you heard of U3a, several people I know found great friends there , and it is not scarily academic as it sounds ,.......best wishes  x

Hi . Thank you for this suggestion  I don’t know how old you are either as you’ve not filled in a profile. (?) 

I looked at the local one and reviews on Aging well without children ( AWOC), where it is described as cliquey and “not very friendly,”  but maybe that depends on where it’s held etc. 

I am not interested in playing bridge/maths clubs: / and some of the other things on offer. There are visits to Large gardens so maybe look into that one. Maybe I should do an intro group on Hip Hop/ Rapping   or Grime ( only joking

Judith xx

Hi

I have to inject blood thinners. I asked about numbing cream & GP prescribed me some. I put a dollop on 1hour before I inject, no pain. I put a small plaster with an arrow on to mark where cream is.

If you like gardens Gardening World magazine out now, has 2 for 1 booklet. Gardens all over UK. Also several packs of seeds & a pair of gardening gloves with this issue.

Also offer discounts at some gardens for single person.

Do you feel the cold more since you have been on thinners?

Scilly x

Hi ,

I have an aversion to needles and looking at blood ( human) so there is no way that I would inject myself ! I would probably pass out... I would rather hold a spider or snake than inject myself!

I can’t say that I’ve noticed getting any colder since being on blood thinners since last  November.

I do catch BBC Garden’s World for the delightful Monty Don ( Dolly the Sheep ... why can’t Monty be cloned instead imagine 1000’s of Monty Dons everywhere on the BBC on every programme..... Make a change from Huw Edwards reading the news !).

I digress, yes I know about open gardens & The National Open Gardens Scheme,  the details are free online. 

“Gardens Illustrated”  is a lovely magazine too, I like looking at the pictures and imaging what could be if I had more energy.

I usually browse through it at a shop or supermarket. If there’s an article I like, but am not interested in the rest of mag I take a sneaky pic with my phone instead.  My way of reducing the carbon footprint.

Judith xx

Hi Judith,

I went to a talk given by Monty Don, he is as lovely in real life.

I bought a raffle ticket so, hopefully, I would win & collect prize from him, maybe a kiss!

I won the raffle, but prize was collected on way out.

Last night just sitting on floor waiting for cream to work, when a mouse ran along skirting in front of me. My delightful cat had brought me a present.

Put down friendly traps then injected myself.

It was behind TV cupboard so emptied it so I could move it & the little critter ran out to other side of room. By now my room was as if a bomb had gone off. Got the hoover out with cloth over end to try to catch him. Text neighbours to apologise about noise. Did not hear hoover.

No joy. So off to bed.

Not seen it today, so do not know where it is.

Viv xx

Hi 

that sounds like your quite alone , I’m glad to hear you find this forum a help . I hope to too’ I’m newly diagnosed & find it all a lot to take in, 

my biggest concern is how to tell my daughter although married she has her own health probs,  so how to say it without bursting into tears!

moey