AWAKE.........

Well definitely going to van on Sunday onco agree with me not  another household as

no one uses it .So a couple of days with a different view moomy hope you get out in your camper .

Some good news today Our granddaughter had her temp contract with xtended so she still has a job at Monsoon HO at least til Aug. Whilst they look at restructuring. Also her partners security clearance finally thru for MOD job hopefully more secure than his Tesco role .

Meanwhile my sister and niece both recovered now from corona have results back and both have developed antibodies . Which should safeguard them from a repeat dose .

Glad the tree sorted have a break now 

margaret x

Night night dear fruit loops, sleep well and stay safe

plenty of sleepy fairy dust available, help yourself if you wish

hugs xxx

Northerner pleased to hear your family are over the virus and better still that they have some antibodies! Also great news that you can go away for a bit of a break, change of scenery will do you good!

moomy hope you are doing okay. Fingers crossed you can go out and about in your van soon! Thanks for the Fairy dust! Think I’ll opt for the industrial strength one tonight, as I struggled to stay asleep last night! 

xxxxxxxxxx

Northerner

Yes, those were all the pictures that I have downloaded. I haven't had time to look at them yet! 

I do so love the pupils at the school I teach - I must do, I have been there for 22 years! It is a lovely school, pretty much a large village rather than a small town. About half the pupils come in on buses from the local villages. We still have some troublesome pupils though!!

I can always remember how long I have worked there. My interview date was my actual due date for my first baby - I had to teach part of a lesson when I was 9 months pregnant!!!! Must have gone ok though - they hired me!

Cwtches, 

Gay xxx

Today I was booked for a “ review “ by consultant

blood tests 0900 then he would see me at 1000

at quarter to 11 I asked a nurse what the delay was

she said they were reviewing yesterday’s scan and would not be long, she moved me to a small side room , to wait

i was there at 1320 , when they said he was ready

he started by saying my blood tests were good, liver function improved, no sign of infection , scan stable .

then he said he did not want to give me any more chemo ( booked for Thursday ) , as he felt it would reduce my quality of life even more 

i told him I feel quite well generally and he asked me what I do at home and I said washing , washing up, gardening etc . I didn’t say I had a coffee morning in the garden last Friday , went shopping Saturday, cut down a huge wind damaged shrub Sunday and drove to town Monday to sort out some stuff at the bank .

he said I was not as well as I claimed to be , that he is not convinced more chemo would help “ at this stage there are no miracles “...... although chemo was improving my liver he felt it was having an impact on my life , it would be better to accept the inevitable, come off treatment , have a permanent ascites drain put in and “ be supported “ while I deteriorate......I said I didn’t want to give up and he said it is not giving up , my body had tolerated a lot of treatment,and it was a question of “ biology “.

we went back and forth for a bit until he agreed to give me Thursdays dose , and then see if that caused side effects ,but then stop,.....he was adamant he would not be talked into “ doing me harm “

so I suppose that is that , no disease in my bones , brain , lungs ,I knew this was on the cards but it has taken me back a bit....

sorry if I have upset anyone , but I can’t sleep ! 

Hope all of you had better news / results etc , and thank you for the pictures and puzzles ......best wishes to all ....me

Night everyone 

margaret x

that is just awful! You have done really well, you are amazing! You have improved greatly since your hosp admission, liver function actually improving. Well done for making him see sense. Surely you have a right to make decisions yourself when you are patently bring helped by the chemo. And keeping you waiting all that time. Sending big hugs, and do keep posting xxx

- read your post with an element of disbelief. You are clearly doing better not only medically (with stable results) but also managing better at home. I am pleased you stuck to your guns and are able to have the treatment you deserve on Thursday. Sending hugs and best wishes.

, I can't 'like' your post, because I am angry, angry that they think they are the ones to decide - and the maddening thing is 'they are the ones' ..... until you start to push and push for more treatment, more help and advice, etc..... at a time when you don't want to be doing this, you want the very people that are suppose to look out for the patient and offer the best treatment they think suitable - not deny it to you.  

I think get Thursday out of the way, tell him (hmm if you get to see him, might try to avoid you), tell him how you have felt, the things you have been doing etc and .... you decide on what you feel is right (I say this half hearted.... because how can you know what is right, you are the patient, he is the professional). .... Decided on what you want then either tell him or ask to be referred for a second option - this is easier to type that it would be to say - put you need to, your future depends on how you face it and how you look at it - not on what he says.... he is not you and doesn't know how you feel.  Plus you will feel knocked about, its a tough treatment - that you want to do, it gets worse to feel better.

Get Thursday done and then come back and have a rethink - especially with the girls on here that have gone through similar - they can help with ideas etc.  

Most of all ..... don't you get feeling down with what has gone on today - again I feel they do this to knock you down, then offer something else.  Well Done on your results from today  

You take the good from today.... 
Your blood tests are good (you could ask for a copy).
Liver function improved.
You've been doing goodness knows what in the garden.

You have the treatment Thursday - give it a few days and go from there!!  

Sending big virtual hugs xxxx

 what a ignorant man to keep you waiting that long then to dismiss his own positive results and your wishes . At least you won the small battle of Thursdays chemo . 

Can you ask for second opinion or complain to someone . You have done  remarkably well pulling back from last admission ... don’t let him take away your fighting spirit . 

Try to sleep  

 Margaret x 

more puzzles tomorrow