AWAKE.........

Hi Sal (LondonLass) 

Glad that you had an opportunity to voice your opinions and concerns at the GP surgery - hopefully they will get things together now and that your care will improve. Such a shame about the potential of losing the hospice nurse - let's hope that she does everything she said she would do and that you can keep seeing them until the new secondary BCN is in place to take over! 

My old BCN was nice but virtually useless - she always seemed to be off sick (not her fault, I know, but not helpful) and then she retired. The new one is fabulous! She offers to take on the chasing up of things and referrals etc and so far, has always done what she said she would AND she rings me to say that she's done it and to keep me up to date! Hopefully you'll be lucky enough to get someone similar - it does make a difference when someone in the oncology team chases things up as sometimes I think that if the patient does it, they're seen as whingers or trouble makers!

Big hugs to you! 

- hope you're doing okay! Sorry to hear about Pia - hope that she's on the mend now. What a worry pets can be... 

Hugs to everyone - good luck to everyone with appointments today - hope they go as well as possible! 

6years ago I sat in a waiting room listening to ABBA playing quietly on the radio! As I sat there alone with my thoughts, little did I know of the carnage that lay ahead!
Even a few days later when I was told that it was Breast Cancer, I dealt with it! I went in for 2 lots of surgery. I faced up to the Chemo on my own! Yes I had friends chatting outside the schools when I picked up the children. But for the most part I dealt with things in my own way!
After Chemo came Radiotherapy, which was hard but I did it!

WHY did I do all that? That’s what I lie here questioning tonight! I did it because I wanted to live! I wanted my life back. I just wanted everything to go back to ‘the same’. Because I liked my life! I liked my job! I enjoyed being around my friends. I enjoyed coming home to visit family. I was Happy!

BUT I didn’t get me life back, I didn’t get my health back, I lost friends, I lost my job, but most of all I lost me!

I know that sounds stupid, but it’s true! When I look in the mirror today I see a Fat lady with Dry Hair, wonky boobs, an arm with a sleeve on, a walking stick and a sad face! But when I step closer and look closer I recognise those eyes! They are my empty eyes, slowly very slowly the last drops of happiness are falling from my eyes!

In the last few months I feel I have been pushed from one person to another and back again! Nobody wants to help me and in fact my issues have become no ones problems but mine!

You see when you are ‘living’ with Cancer, you suddenly realise that Cancer is the least of your worries! SIDE EFFECTS are the bloody nightmare that rear their ugly head day in, day out, week in, week out and to top it off NO ONE will care! It becomes your problem and you will be left trying to find the solution and even when you think you have found someone who cares and who tries to help, don’t think it’ll last, because the chances are before you know it they’ll of gone! Because that’s what happens in life, it’s a conveyor belt! The problem is you don’t get to ride the conveyer belt! Someone pinched my ticket! I’m stuck on the path next to the conveyor and on a good day I might get to hop forward a few steps, but on a bad day i’ll Be jumping right back again.....so in the end I haven’t moved! I’m left watching as friends and family go whizzing by while I am stuck!

You see these are the difficult times when people that you have grown close too leave or tell you you should of been discharged from their care months ago!

See that was my misery moment today. My hospice nurse was chatting away after I filled her in on what’s been happening. She dropped subtly in
to the conversation that I ‘shouldn’t really be under the nurses now, as I’m not VERY ill, or struggling with Pain anymore!

So looks like I am going to be going it alone again very soon! Except for the lovely Fruit Loops! 

So i’ve Survived 6 years! Who knows how many I have to go! But PLEASE can I have a couple of ‘okay’ days among all the shit! 

Londonlass.....lots of cyber hugs.....

If I could order you an OK day.....today would be perfect!

..... I do hope the lovely Pia is on the mend ... and that you are doing ok too

hugs xx

... I don’t regret retiring at 60 ( bit of burn out and that’s an understatement .. ex NHS) and I think I’m still on an extended holiday. It’s good not having to put the alarm on, or three, and just being able to go with the flow, try out new things and fill your time in how you wish. I haven’t missed the job since leaving either. 

... hope you’re doing ok and have plenty more ballets in the pipeline

LondonLass ... hope you get those good days ... and soon. 

Lacomtekp ... hope your review went ok

hugs to all

xx

Hi LondonLass

Hugs xx

Dear LondonLass,

IF you are ‘just’ left with us fruit loops, at least we all care about you!

sending lots of love and hugs and hope that good days WILL come!

xxx

Sal, LondonLass, we will always be here for you no matter what, we fruit loops are special, and you are special to us. It’s about time someone gave you the help you so truly need. Love you my Friend xx

LondonLass - sending hugs and a wish that you feel a little happier very soon. You aren’t alone on here...ever...