AWAKE.........

Morning eveyone, hope you all have a good day, 

sending hugs LondonLass, can I have LP Tuesday when I see oncologist please, will have plenty of treats for him, 

Good luck to anyone having treatment or appointments today.

Hope LP holds your hand,

Good luck for tomorrow - I'm sure LP will be good! 

Well, I can't believe what I'm going to say now, but I have NO medical appointments this week (unless I end up in A&E with my husband's lurghy that is...) 

That's a bloomin' miracle - not sure the last time I can say that - probably January/February as have always had to go in at least once a week for line care! 

So, to celebrate, I'm going to meet the lovely  for tea and scones tomorrow - hurrah! 

Hope everyone has a good day today!

Hugs to everyone...

that's lovely to hear .Have a lovely time with xxx

If you have any free time you can do some birdwatching probably make me jealous with your list xxxx

Optimistic

I'd love to, but it's my Mum who has all the interesting birds! My garden has a gang of about 8 rowdy magpies and some starlings... 

I blame the cats, although they spend as little time out there as possible now they're getting older! 

Well starlings are very funny to watch  xxx! Feeling a bit less jealous now with my own starlings xxxx

MOAN ALERT: feel free to stop reading NOW!!!

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU......

Why is it when you are already feeling down someone says or does something that just knocks you down even further! 

Now I know my bosses are just asking a simple question BUT for me the answer is sadly complicated. Because how ever much I want to say yes, and believe me I do. The answer will be No! 

So what was the question that has knocked me off my feet today. It was simply "Sal would you consider going back to full time as we are going to need full time care at some point"? 

I felt all my emotions boil up inside as I wanted to shout out, do u not see how much I struggle with just 3 days!! Or am I such a good actress that no one has noticed??

But I've noticed. I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I'm 43years old and I struggle to work 3 days a week! I am constantly tired, I don't go out as much as I used to, I have to buy pre prepared veg when I do the batch cooking because my wrists hurt I just feel I'm falling to bits at the seams! 

But the saddest thing is, am I ready to admit this, to put it down in black and white.........

The Saddest thing is THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS things WONT improve, I WON'T get better and I will NEVER get my old life back!!

There I said it......  

Now to give myself a slap and get back to work! 

LondonLass you know you do amazing unfortunately dealing with limitations that others don't have .You're a lovely lady with lovely family and friends doing a job you enjoy xxx .Don't do a me and beat yourself up if you want a comparison i feel so lazy at times seeing so many inspiring ladies here going back to work  iim so pleased for them but have to confess I haven't worked for years despite lots of financial struggles  being a mum of 4 and now a Nana has kept me busy particularly as two of my children have had massive school issues and ended up being home schooled but it's still gets me down i didn't do more  As for the veg who cares if it's pre done you are cooking it and holding down a job and helping so many on here. You can only do so much and I'm sorry you feel sad it won't get better  but I'm sure you have a lot of happiness too but we're here for you and we all understand.   Here a big HUG XXX

LondonLass

Possibly you could write all of this down and hand it to your bosses. Maybe you can't tell them face to face but in a short note left when you leave on Weds afternoon. It could be written in "to help you understand more" style. 

But above all no matter how great a job is ...... if we do it really well it affects us. But no matter how much we give, when we leave the moment that door shuts behind us it is a matter of "The Queen is dead. Long live the Queen." Sad but true

Big breaths and big girls' pants day tomorrow. But above all you know who will be here to save your soul............. The Fruit Loops that's who

Leolady56

LondonLass, so sorry you are feeling so awfu, big hugsxxxxx

The Christmas Spirit has a lot to,answer for. Over commercialised, getting earlier and earlier, everyone has to be jolly, 'having a good time', out at parties all the time, in big beautiful houses with everyone happy and looking good, and pleased with their presents, bah humbug! The essential spirit has been lost, and everyone is caught up on the ever speeding treadmill.

So sorry to hear your bosses are asking for full time again. I can understand how that must have hit home. You are magnificent the way you do your 3 days, in spite of your problems, and enjoy it and give that little girl wonderful care. Underneath it is a marathon struggle, You have obviously hidden your difficulties very well. Understand how much you want to say yes , but cannot. 

A day off from cancer sounds a great idea!!

Lots of love xxxx