AWAKE.........

Thank you moomy, it is the trip to see our Hong friend conducting Lucia at the Coliseum. I don't want to cancel, but I hate having to do this because of bl***y cancer, happens all the time!!!! And DH will be soooooo disappointed, first class travel and hotel booked, just can't cancel. Can't make a decision yet, maybe I'll feel.better tomorrow xxxx

Young not Hong!!!!!! 

Thank you Violetsniff, I will think of something! I could cope better if it wasn't for this bl***y exhibition xxxx

Hi Seaspirit

Sending you a big hug too.  So very sorry to hear this.  Why do we seem to be doing ok and then something else comes a long and kicks us down again.  Can you put London on hold for a week?  Hotels are usually very understanding.  But such a dilemma for you.  

I'm still waiting for a date for my scan.  Ive now found out that its the one where they fill you up with air and I'm not looking forward to that at all.  A friend tells me you feel like you're going to burst.  I will have to chase tomorrow but do I want to know results before Christmas!  Like you I've arrangements that I need to keep and I don't know whether I should cancel.  AND I still need to tell my youngest daughter that I may have another problem.

Life is a real bitch at times.

Thinking of you and sending love xx

Hi Weeblemum

Glad you got sorted.  I'm long sighter and need reading glasses if I have my contacts in.  Last year I had a new pair of prescription glasses and thought I'd need a mortgage, but if you have to wear glasses it makes you feel better if you have nice ones.

Hopefully you will be able to have new lenses in your new frames if your prescription changes after chemo. But if you're like me the lenses are as expensive as, if not more than, the frames as I have to pay for the extra think ones.

Glad you enjoyed the salami 

You know what ..........

..

And mainly because everyone here has got your back and we all have been there too many times

Gentle hugs and positive thoughts

Leolady56

Oh , seaspirit , so sorry you are feeling like this , I suppose every time you get abdo pain you worry it is the obstruction again , it is so much worse when you can’t sleep because of symptoms , it all builds up until you can’t cope . There is nothing I can say really, just want you to know how scary it all is , it looks like a few people “ get it “ .......and when you have things booked it is hard to let other people down , I hav backed out of an arrangement tomorrow , fed up with people telling me I am “ doing well “ , if only they knew ! Hope you started to feel better as the day went on , best wishes x

I think I better explain after realising a) I had not fully explained things, b) miss understood some myself and c) thank you LondonLass for getting it out of me. I realised out of pure stupidity I had managed to get everything completely muddled and I feel I better explain.

When I went for my last kidney op, due to anesthetic confusion I had mid understood everything my speacialist had told me, my parents were there thank goodness of I would of had a very nasty shook. I was under the mis informationed view that I just had two areas of calcification in my kidney after first being told it was a stone. Apparently calcification, stones and some tumors can look very similar on a ct scan, he did show me the photos inside and I remember him mentioned about an area he wasn't happy over ( of cause i thought about the calification )and that I could lose my kidney if he trys to cut the calcification out. Of course I missed the area not happy about, and that he was getting it tested. I am so glad my Mum was with me as I recently realised it was a biopsy and I get the results tomorrow because he wanted a second opinion.  I feeling overwhelmed, confused and angry with myself just needed some space to get my head round how I mid understood the speacialist maybe my mind trying to protect me I don't know, maybe its because I am terrified and don't want to admit what is happening, so scared its all happening again. I asked my consellor and she said sometimes our mind switches off because we don't want to hear it, simply don't know myself. So sorry if anyone is confused right know. I also in some crazy stupid way wanted to protect everyone when I know a lot are really having a bad time. I actually I am scared but actually confident it will be benign like what had happened to the tube caused by past infections. The problem is bad enough without cancer adding to the mix. As I know my kidney is worse then I thought in the first place, All this and my heart problems has really knocked my confidence, my ability to think. My head was in a cloud, as tomorrow nears its not getting any better. But I know I can't do this alone anymore.

toxophilite well done on the indoor competition, excellent news.

...Bless you GBear

you really don’t need to apologise...remember you are among friends here...who all “get it”especially about the mind blanking and misunderstanding.A lot of people do that even when they don’t have cancer,when faced with a diagnosis or even their GP!!

please don’t be hard on yourself.I hope you can have somebody with you tomorrow,and if not,take a pen and paper and ask him to explain anything you don’t understand.

xxxxx

In a way i didn’t want to admit it! I know stupid, I also didnt want it to be real ever. I hoped it was a dream, of course I knew there was more to the pain i was getting after the op. Of course they would be additional pain when they have been taking chucks out of me, well ok parhaps not chuncks. But you know what I mean, it’s still sore but no way near as much as it did at first. Last year when i was diagnosed with the womb cancer i for a while thought i had imagined it and that it was something else and it was someone else getting the news. Thinking now I realise I properly didn’t want to hear it, nor take it in, so much information plus my specialist is known for speaking without filter, so I know how i mis understood. I always have Mum with me at appointments because of it being better to have a second pair of ears. But I know my Mum was saying the specialist was worried about the possibility of pre cancerous cells or even cancer given my history and also whether the area was benign but just looking abnormal, and something to keep an eye on. My Mum thought i knew and understood all this, me was rather confused what i had heard then second guessing wondering if i missed something. In the endslapped wrists my way for being embarrassed that i had got it so mixed up, I missed things. Then I thought i had said about it, it was only talking to Londonlass that it dawned on me that I hadn’t. What a blonker i feel.