AWAKE.........

GBear I'm sorry for how you feel I suppose our little minds can only take so much. I really hope you get good results don't feel embarrassed mum's are there to take the strain when we can't it's great your parents are there. Both my parents died before my diagnosis and I could do with a hug off them some days but then glad they haven't seen how sad I've been x

seaspirit44 I'm sure it's very normal to feel like this after your recent hospital visit .I hope you feel better now maybe the trip would do you good if it's at your own pace sending you a hug xxxx

I am off to bed hoping to sleep well, i am also full of a cold so good timing me thinks, be glad when tomorrow morning gone and hopefully i will be ably to take in what i am told completely this time, first time not just sound bites. 

Good night everyone sweet dreams, i will catch up proper next werk, but i will share the results from tomorrow I promise, I promise not to be so embarrassed about my is understandings now, i made a mistake it happens, I promise not to let things get overwhelming my brain again that it takes afew days of de cluttering it. I am having a break from site also because i have a few things going on. Talking to my friend the other day I realised I needed to face what i had been told even if i hadnt fully understood or registered at first, and to know i am in good hands. 

...Good for you,.GBear...it does seem that it would do you only good to have a break from the site.One reason is,it might be that you are reading it to stop your mind accepting your own health,and I mean that in the most kind way,cos I do it...and another is that it may further confuse things for you by filling your brain with unnecessary things for you at the moment.

I am not a Counsellor or anything,but it does sound as if the truth about your health is a bit too painful for you to accept at the moment.It is a shame that your Consultant doen’t know this,and is a bit filterless(does that mean straight speaking?)Maybe a nurse might come in too,(it is a shame your Counsellor can’t too)with you and your Mum?We all need people to soften blows for us from time to time.That is not saying it will be bad,just IN CASE it is.Also a good idea would be for you to talk it all out with your Counsellor too xxx

your friend is very wise to reassure you that you are in good hands.And you do have to face things too,but in a safe environment for you and maybe in a slow and gentle way xxx

I hope you can sleep well xxx

Sleep well, sending hugs as it seems some if you need them too.(((((((hugs)))))))

, 

Hi all, the last couple of days have been tough! I have struggled with a few things. Trying to work things out without upsetting anyone! Sometimes we are faced with decisions that really make us think! 

I'm hoping that it's dealt with now and that I can settle down again. I do my best to be here for you all, the same as I know you will always be here for me! This isn't about who is the sickest, who has the most issues, whose been on the journey the longest. It's about being here when someone needs us.

I hope everyone uses this group to help others as much as it helps them. Friendship is a two way street and we all need to support, advise and trust each other. That's all part of being A Fruit Loop! Xxx

Seeet Dreams LondonLass x  

owww your post did make me laugh, we should all take a leaf out of you post and maybe type in what type of day we have had or what we have or haven't achieved - I keep having days where I am getting nothing done, I've not stopped however achieved nothing arrrgghhh. 

GBear I can totally relate to a lot you have typed.  I still can't say the 'c' word, I believe I am in denial with it all - this could be exasperated   because I hide the diagnosis from my mum, again helping me to be in denial.  Plus last month having 'good news' following my mammogram - all I can say is 'it was good news', for the reason I don't eat to tempt fate.  I totally get where you are coming from and as for your mind being all over the place what you are hearing and what you want to hear and what is actually said - I am there with you and I reckon most of the others on this site are.  I will have to re-read this post before I actually post this as I know I will have words missing or I will have typed various completely different words to what should go in the sentence - there is so much going on, so much you can't and don't want to hear any of it.  

If you could see inside my house, well to be honest 'not see inside it' - it looks like a hoarders house that has had half a dozen people in trashing the place.  Every day I am trying to get it 'back together' and ever day it seems to get worse.  I seem to have lost all reasoning on how to tidy the simplest of items away (theres a confession, and you know, it feels good to share this with you ladies). It just doesn't seem important, yet in reality it is 'as other half will not let anyone come around whilst it is like this'.... I joke, saying its a crime scene and we can't move anything yet - in truth it is getting me down 

seaspirit44 - they say a change is as good as a rest, I think, get yourself ready for London, don't go all out stressing about it, just take the basicis of what you need and 'keep it in your mind, if at any point you want to come home - then you can and you are "only" a train ride home'.  With regards to food, for your own sake eat what 'you are comfortable with' your friends will understand, only eat what you feel you can and if this means nothing, then nothing it is, or have soup, I believe you would be better off with a liquid diet, even see if you can take a few 'complans or ensures' if you can get them, they are like a liquid meal. Take it one step at a time, you can always at any point turn around and come back home - hopefully, you will get on the train and slowly you can leave all your worries behind you.

Remember you can come home at any point - try not to stress xxxxx

I am going now, going to try and feed cats etc and get an 'early' night - lets see how much procrastinating I can do tomorrow arrrgghh

Big Hugs and Loads of Love xxxxxx

Thank you . You are so right, all seems good then something else comes to knock you down! The London trip is to see a young friend conduct an opera at the Coliseum. I'm determined to go, just having wobbles today.

I do hope you get your scan before Christmas. It sounds horrible, but you need to know asap. Good luck with the chasing. It is so stressful phoning hospitals xxxx

Thank you Leolady56 xxx

Thank you , feeling better now. It does you good to let it all out! And everyone on here gets it! Xxx