seaspirit44, of course LP will be with you today! I shall ensure he's washed and ready to go by 4pm!
Hope the appointment goes well and fingers firmly crossed that you will get results and that they will be good!! (((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))
GBear, LP will be with you tomorrow. I shall pack his PJ's just in case he needs to spend the night with you! Xxxxx
Hi Ladies,
Firstly, to all you lovely ladies that have got me through the past twelve months - I sincerely "Thank You" all, I really do 
.
Well what a place I find myself in today, 12 months ago I had my diagnosis and on the 13th October last year I had my operation and radiotherapy. All treatment done and now the 5 years of letrozole. I'm managing this quiet well, apart from one major side effect 'trigger finger' (well, for me its in my thumbs). Started off in the one, the 3 weeks/4 weeks later its in both now.
Trouble is why do I feel so down. The last few weeks I have felt in a better place, like 'I am coming out of the bad place and starting to feel more like I'm here and trying to take an interest in things......
Then I hear about very sad passing of the lady broadcaster, Rachael Bland, God bless her, so tragic.
Then I hear about my second cousin, in her mid to late 20's, a single mom with two young children, she underwent treatment for cervical cancer two years ago, had radiotherapy and chemotherapy - was told all was clear when treatment finished. From what I understand she had recently being having pains in her leg or hip - she had some tests last week, had the results back and has today put on Facebook (other social media sites are available) that she was told she has 6 - 12 months!!! The hospital told there was a 'rouge' cell after treatment.
So how do we move forward, I thought I was doing fairly well, I put it out my mind (that is sort of easy most times as my mind likes to play me up), I remind myself of how blessed I've been having it up so early, blessed by the treatment I was able to have, blessed for the tablet (letrozole) that as much as I don't want to take it - I know its there to help me. Any little twinge or feeling I get I have adjusted myself to say its 'all part of the healing' - yet how do we know. Its like its all come crashing down on me
I think majorly adding to my worry is I have not had a smear test for 7 years, 20 plus years back I had treatment for pre-cancerous cells and now I am scared to go for the test 'in case' - I just couldn't cope, I really couldn't. Trying to find excuses, my Dad was taken ill around this time, wrongly, it was the last thing on my mind. I didn't go. Sadly, we lost my dad. My Mom became my world and I became Moms world, Mom is my life. Then BC decided to pay me a visit, I had treatment. Then back in May from a 'routine screening' I was diagnosed with Diverticular Disease. I just can't get the courage to go ~ it was on my list, along with the dentist, I booked the dentist on Tuesday (this is a really big thing for me, but I did it) and now, well, now after hearing about my second cousin, I really am too scared, scared of what the results could be.
Well ladies, I hope you don't mind me letting all this out on here - feel a titchy bit better for getting this out of my head and writing it all done - yet feel really bad writing all this on here.
Thinking of you all and sending love and hugs - group hug xxxxxxxxxx
Group hug WhatHappened, i think for your own peace of mind you need to go and get your smear test done or you get the terrible what if’s coming on. Its scary knowing about your cousin and others have gone through. You have gone through alot too and its good you have got it out of your mind by expressing it here, and please don’t apologise for putting it here. It’s clearly in the forefront of your mind and it’s wanting you to deal with that thought. Yes I totally understand the fear of the test coming back as something wrong but it could just as easily also come back ok, its a gamble but its worth knowing because how can we have an informed decision if we don’t know what we are dealing with. I am sorry to learn about your cousin how horrible it was to think she was clear ony to find out this devastating news. For me i live with the constant what if its come back, has the cancer jumped in somewhere else and hiding from me, the answer is i don’t know i hope not but I know that i have some lasting damage and after bad infections in my bladder over the years that have badly scared my bladder i have been told i have a high risk of bladder cancer so for me the renal specialist going in to sort my kidney stone at the same time he can check that everywhere is as healthy as possible. So its worth it, I know that the problems with my bowel on the face of it are pretty mundane but still it’s important i keep it under the radar of my medical team to keep a watchful eye, if I didn’t i would be haunted more with the what ifs even more,its these many what ifs that can keep me awake or having disturbed sleep. For me I feel so much better to know that i am being monitored. I found out from my gynae team that at the moment everything looks good and healthy in that front after my hysterectomy it removed all the cancer because it was contained. But I honestly worry too of a pesky cancer cell going and pitching its tent elsewhere in my body, I know that worring thought is going to be there and it makes it hard to bare at times. But i rationalise it that I report it to the a Doctors and its their responsibility to keep a an eye on me, but if I didn’t have the tests and procedures done i would feel i am not doing enough to reasure myself. Because yes i am scared that the cancer may come back but I would rather know, and know what i am dealing with.
WhatHappened, this is exactly what this thread is for. To share what's bothering you, to ask for support from people who know exactly how it feels to be scared about things!
You know it's perfectly normal to be scared, after all you have been through. Hearing about others passing away or becoming very sick is always tough and sends our minds into overdrive. However all we can do is STOP thinking about the WHAT IFS and bring ourselves back to the here and now! Which is you are doing well, life is settling down and there's know reason for you not to receive a clear smear test result. So when YOU feel ready, take yourself off to have it done! No pressure, give yourself as much time as you need. But don't let other people's stories cloud your judgement.
Sending you.........
A BIG SQUIDGY HUG! Because it sounds like you really need one xxxxxxxxxxx
I hope your doing alright at the moment LondonLass, how much i wish our minds would let us have some peaceful dreams. Its so frustrating when you have trouble sleeping, but i hope you and everyone has managed some gentle sleeps. I am going to try and go back sleep, I know i need it, need all my energy to get though to the weekend and also strength and energy to keep L.P entertained on Friday.
