Lonely

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Been a while my brain tumour has been rescanned and the doctors took a bit from by brain. They tell it’s rare form and they explain it’s like a load of dots of the cancer all over by brain. At the moment it’s inactive but they say it will come back, but don’t know how. All they have said when it does it will take me. 
To go with that just after Xmas my wife has left me.

Home is up for sale looking to move to somewhere smaller. The tumour has affected hearing and walking un aided. I’m trying to get fitter and stronger everyday. Really hard having to rely on people to things for me. Luckily I’ve got three lovely kids who support me as much they can. They all have the own family to look after. My x will not even talk to discuss things because she lost the motability new car which she got when i became ill. Cannot remember anything of the last 15 years, motability found out that the car was not doing being used to help me and not being parked at address so insurance was being affected. So she blames me for her not swanning about in a new car.

Life has been turned upside down, looking for a new flat or somewhere to move to. 

  • Hi One2many

    nice to hear from you again.

    Hope you find a new flat soon. Keep going. One step at a time.

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Thanks for reply, hopefully the move will help. Losing my wife of over 38 years is harder than the cancer. 
    At the moment my children and grandchildren keep me going. It’s hard with loss of memory cannot remember anything from the last 15 years. 
    Took your advice and booked a phone with someone from buns. Both appointments dates have been cancelled still waiting for news of new appointments. I was getting prepared to do this because I find it hard talking to strangers about my feelings etc. so feel let down by this service as well.

  • Hi Wee Me I have just read your profile and feeling for you . I didn’t realise you’re going through the same as my x was going through. 
    Best wishes 

    one2many

  • thanks One2many. It's an emotional rollercoaster ride for all involved.

    take care

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Wave  Hey.

    I know your post was quite sometime ago but I just came across it and wondered how you are doing. My partner also left me just before Christmas- it's hard to navigate emotional loss when you've also got brain mets (as well as others). X

  • Hi thanks for replying, getting along okay at the moment. At times find it very hard and then give myself a kick, this is my life now, got to try and make the most of it. Take up model building, colouring to engage what is left and still working. Like I said motability is a bit of problem, but back cooking and caring for my self.

    one2many

  • So glad things have improved even if slightly- that's still a win!

    It's hard and a totally roller coster of different emotions- I had my first 'out loud 'crying pity party tonight - think I feel better for it.

    Feel free to message if you'd like to chat more. Blush 

  • Morning sat looking at my account, i find it real hard to cry neither been one to do that. I was watching the tv short series aired last night. Sat and watched all three episodes. Breathtaking, about covid and lockdowns. Sat and watched couldn’t help thinking that I couldn’t remember nothing about covid and what everyone went through. I have no memory of what I or family were doing. Brought home how much I have lost, especially when my teaching career relied so much on my excellent memory. Even my first career as motor vehicle technician. 
    I would like to communicate with you when it’s good for you.

  • Hi! I hope I’m getting this right - I’m finding it a bit hard to navigate so I’m not sure if I’m corresponding with the same people. 
    I just wanted to say thanks for saying hi, and I hope you’re ok today. Brain slowness is no fun but some days are better than others and I feel almost ok again. 
    I’ve started a course online which I’m hoping will help, though of course it’s hard to remember what I’ve learnt!

    xx

  • Hey Mr.  Its bloody hard at times right .... and loss of 15 years worth of life and memories would make anyone feel the same as you.  Send me a message (however that works) and we can chat