Partner deciding to cease chemo

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I am new to this forum and not really sure what to do or handle the situation. My partner was diagnosed with terminal brain tumour in June last year. It is the third tumour he’s had and the second that has been malignant. He’s been on chemo since July for it but unfortunately the chemo doesn’t seem to be working. His main symptoms are loss of speech and sensation down his right side. He’s very agitated by the symptoms and was hoping the treatment would relive some of the symptoms but they are gradually getting worse. I’ve also noticed changes in his personality. Sometimes he can be very verbally aggressive towards me. He’s usually very loving and gentle but it has become so bad he’s moved in with his daughter. It’s very hard to deal with it all. 
He has his next scan on Monday and is sue to see his nurse Thursday for his next chemo treatment however he is going to tell her he doesn’t want to continue. 
I understand his decision but not sure how the cancer and symptoms will progress and how long he will have left with us. 
I guess I would like some advice or support from anyone else going through the same thing please? 
I struggle with what to say and how to manage my own emotions in front of my partner. Any help would be appreciated. 

  • HI MIkesPrettyLady

    a warm welcome to the group. So sorry to hear about your partner. Life's too cruel.

    I can empathise with the journey you are on. I've been supporting my husband with his stage 4 brain tumour journey (Glioblastoma) since Sept 2020. He finished his 6 weeks of oral chemo/radiotherapy in mid Nov 2020 and said "no more treatment". It is a decision I have had to respect. At the end of the day, he is the one going through the side effects etc. He was initially given a prognosis of 12-15 months ... and he's still with us, albeit now he is moving into the final phase of the journey.

    His original tumour was in the area of the brain that impacts speech/language and understanding. He had a seizure two days before his surgery in Sept 2020 and to be honest, he's never been the same person since. All we're left with is a broken version. He too can be quite verbally abusive. Fortunately it's me who has borne the brunt of this and he's not turned on our kids (now 22 and 25) It is hard to bite your tongue when what's being said is distressing but its at times like that I remind myself "he's broken".

    This is a safe and supportive space so please reach out here anytime. There's always someone around to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and to offer a virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone.

    It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    Emotionally there's no right or wrong way to feel. We are all emotional human beings and its only natural to go through a whole spectrum of emotions. It's the strongest most resilient among us who show those emotions as that means we are dealing with them and not bottling them up. I don't like to get emotional in front of my husband so I'll be honest there's been a lot of tears behind the closed bathroom door or when I've been out for a walk. This community has also been great at supporting me.

    One of mu key coping mechanisms is to journal. Write all those thoughts/fears/anger down . It helps to get it out of your sysfem and I find writing down takes some of the fear out of it once you read it back to yourself. Try it.

    About a year ago I was getting in a right tizzy about something he'd said/done and my son found me crying in the living room. He asked me a question that brought me up short. He said "will it matter in five years?" On that occasion it wouldn't . He said "let it go then" and you know what, he was right. Yes there are aspects of this roller coaster ride that will matter in five years and for even longer but the day to day crap I now try to let wash over me...easier said than done some days.

    I hope this has been of some help. Nothing prepares you for dealing with a horrendous situation like this but you are coping so much better than you give yourself credit for. You'll just need to trust me on that.

    Sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of positive energy. Stay strong. Remember to to breathe.

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm