My mam's on the decline

Hi Magpie26

sorry to hear that things are as difficult. It's so hard to watch this phase of the journey.  If you feel she is too anxious I would suggest you have a word with the Dr. With G, they added a low dose of Lorazepam into the mix and that took the edge off his anxiety for the most part over the last few weeks.

It probably doesn't feel like it right now but you are doing a great job here. It's tough supporting someone through this journey so please make sure you are taking care of your wee self here too.

My heart breaks for you as I remember only too well how I felt watching G decline. I get it.

sending you love and light and strength and hugs

Wee Me xx

1. Thank you, yes I'm looking after myself it's harder when she panicking when I'm not there. That's hard, 

Just horrible ill ring palliative nurse in morning see if they can speak with doctor. 

It's just horrible. She's such a strong women to. I get it from her. I'll carry on being strong for her. 

Xxxxx

Hi wee mee, 

Is the anxiety the last part of the end of life symptoms? 

Xxxx

Hi Magpie 

That's a good question.  Personally I don't think it's restricted to end of life. G was quite anxious at various points of his journey.  It was certainly worse in the last 10 weeks but I suspect that's because he was scared. Its so hard to know how they're thinking and feeling. With G he wouldn't initially talk about how he felt and towards the end he couldn't talk clearly enough to express how he felt. 

All you can do is be there for your mum as much as you can and try to reassure her. Speak to the palliative nurse too and get her impression. 

When I spoke to the hospice Dr in the last few weeks she said her rule of thumb was if she was seeing changes in G weekly then he had weeks,  if it was daily then he had days. In the end,  this journey lasts as long as it's meant to last.

Stay strong.  You're doing so well here.

Love n hugs

Wee Me xx

Thank you so much, if it wasn't for you, I don't think I could get through any of this so thank you for this. 

Yeah I've noticed changes every day from last Wednesday. She's on week 9 now they said she would only have 8 weeks. Like you say every one is so different. She's such a strong women I tell her every day that. It really hurts seeing her like this now no mobility. 

I had the weirdest dream last night was her funeral, but she kept waking up in her coffin. They were like she'll go back to sleep. I was so shocked. 

They didn't play the music either. Also my hubby didn't carry the coffin. 

My husband carrying it, because he knew if Craig was here he would of done it. That's my brother who passed. 

Xxxxx

Hi wee mee, 

Just getting back from seeing my mam, she was crying so much today, saying she's had enough, I says well go just go when your ready. 

Then she was saying ah I might get a new bathroom I said why your not going back home, honesty is the best policy as it's working for us at the minute. It's took some time we got there, also she was like I can't put channel 1 on it's not working it was she thought she was at home using her sky channel. 

I'm bloody drained 

Xxxxx

Oh Magpie, I feel for you. It is completely and utterly draining. 

It is so hard seeing them confused. We used to just humour G as best we could but it wasn't easy. He would get stuck on repeat and you'd have the same conversation over and over and if you criticised him in any way, his standard response was "It's ok I'll be dead soon anyway" and then he would sulk like a child

One day at a time. And if she's still wanting a new bathroom tomorrow, humour her and ask what way she wants to do it. Some things aren't worth the argument.

Speaking of bathrooms, I'll tell you a short story of the warped logic we had to live with for the best part of the 3 years. Before G was diagnosed, he was putting in a new bathroom for us. He was good at DIY. There was one debate over the shower tray but I'll spare you that part of the story. He got everything plumbed in and it came time to choose the tiles. We sat for ages looking at them online and finally agreed on a teal green colour for one wall. I left him finishing off the order. Hours later my daughter said "You know he didn't order the tiles you picked." Eh..no!  When I convinced him to show me what he'd ordered, he had chosen navy blue tiles. I took a deep breath, bit my tongue and politely asked "Why did you pick them?" "Because they were the same colour as my car was."... I really couldn't argue with that and  I still have a navy  BMW blue bathroom wall. 

Hang in there. You're doing so well here. 

love n hugs

Wee Me xxx

Eeeee god, that's unbelievable. It's easier for me to tell her truth that's how it's working now with my mam without her arguing. It's so sad tho, I feel so sorry for her. 

If she could see herself she would mortified. What ever Im going its working, 

She kept saying I can smell meat, I was like I can't. Honestly don't even know what she waffling about. 

I get home I pray each night please take her tonight. I know it sounds harsh but she doesn't want to go on like this. Also I think she's in pain she has a look on her face when she tries to move I say are you ok, she says yes I'm fine. Whether she's protecting me. I might have to mention it tomorrow, as for the dhiorea. 

She's not drank much at all or ate anything like snacks since last Wednesday. 

Xxxxx

I felt exactly the same over those last few weeks. At the start of the journey I was praying each night that G wouldn't die in his sleep. The thought of wakening up in the morning to him dead beside me absolutely terrified me. By the end I was going to bed praying that he would slip away during the night. Don't beat yourself up for feeling like that. This is a tough journey and it takes its toll on so many levels.

If you have any concerns about how comfortable/peaceful your mum is, ask the medical team. Better that you've asked than you go home wishing you had.

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

That phantom smell is a common symptom with brain tumours. Usually burning apparently.