Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Hi Jkee and Helen. I have no regrets at all as she knew I had no one else to turn to as Lucy has two young daughters and Lindsey in Australia.  I rang Lindsey to ask if she could get time off work just 3 days before his operation and her boss was really good and said yes then she spent hours looking for a flight and got here Monday night before his op on the Tuesday.  I honestly thought she would have come as I never ask for anything and we have done loads for her.. I did lose it with him and told him to speak to me properly in a human manner like he does with everyone else. Yes I agree we should be enjoying our time but it is hard when he rings her for a chat. I have put a stop to that and told him I am his wife and I am suffering but in a different way to him. Hope this makes sense to you all.  I have done all sorts, creosoting the fence, lifting heavy and I mean heavy items, cut the lawns, etc etc but no thanks xx

Yes it’s a thankless task keeping the home going and caring for your husband so any word of appreciation is welcome. We have cleared Paul’s house now and didn’t realise how upset I would be watching his furniture all going on Friday, feels like I’m rubbing him out- house is sold so waiting for solicitors to sort out. It’s only 3 months and seems like ages. Sally did her challenge and raised £2900 for the hospice. I hate living in my own but that’s my life now and can’t change it. Seem to be missing Kevin more than ever now. Take care

Helen x

Gosh Helen you have been so much this last year and a bit. I really don’t know how you cope. I just think you are amazing.  It must have felt dreadful having to do that. Good on sally she is a trooper raising that much money for the hospice.  I do feel alone most of the time but not like you as the days must be so long for you.  It is a thankless task I agree.  I am cutting down the huge brambles at the back and I am now scratched to pieces. I can’t do the hedges as they are too tall and he won’t let me get anyone in, guess I will have to try at least keep them tidy at the sides.  Hey ho. Onwards and upwards as they say. Keep that chin up and try and enjoy the sun for a while. Thinking of you xx

Hi Helen that is the one thing I am scared of being on my own it's just me and Simon now and we get on well as friends and husband and wife he keeps saying I will be ok I know i won't and you are right as time goes on you miss them more you have this with Paul and Kevin heartbreaking bless you. Maggie keep your friend away I would be making sure Les is not ringing or texting behind your back sorry but we as women just know when things are not right try and find time just you and Les maybe talk good times or find something that makes you both happy don't waste this time xx

Hi Jkee. I am trying hard as I got all the stamp books sorted out so he could to see what needs filling. It just seems that if it was not for his father, mother and now him I just can’t take anymore. Unless he changes towards me he will in for a shock. Even my daughter has commented on the way he snaps quickly at me. I am honestly trying so hard to not say the wrong thing which stops me from talking.  I will keep trying obviously but he also has to try.  Gosh I have whinged today sorry xxx

Maggie this is just me saying but You need to say what you are feeling get it of your chest I must admit I don't hold anything in works for me but if you have always held it in I understand it is not easy for you he won't know how you feel unless you talk to each other sorry you are going through a difficult time you both are suffering apart rather then together xx

You are so right Jkee. I should be able to say things without him getting at me and have a sensible conversation.  I love him so much and he does me but we seemed to have gone separate somehow. It may be the illness that he has used me as a punch bag but I am trying so hard xx 

love and hugs to all xx

Hi Ladies!

Just catching up with your posts and you all seem to be going through a lot. My heart really goes out to all. Well I have taken the bull by the horns and started to paint the fence in the back garden. It's not finished yet but I'll probably get it finished tomorrow it was so warm in Glasgow today that I took the chance to at least get it started and as the weather it seems will be holding out for the next couple of days i'll get it done then I just have the decking to do- weather permitting as it's supposed to start raining again at the weekend. 

I went with my sister Margaret for her CT scan last Tuesday so now it's just the `wait`. She sees her bowel cancer specialist next month (August) so hopefully they will have some news for her then just hope it's good. As I said already this is the scan that confirmed Jay's cancer had come back so this keeps going through my mind but as we all know everyone's cancer journeys are different just hope her's has a happy ending. 

Maggie and Jkee I get where you are coming from with the fights, disagreements feelings of separation I went through all of that with Jay and yes it is a possibility that you are both angry about the cancer. I know I was Jay had accepted it I think. He felt so bad some days though that he needed me to run after him help him out of bed to the toilet and to shower etc when these were all things he said he took for granted before and could do them himself and then needed me to do it for him. There were lots of arguments between us but we both knew I think it was the illness that was causing it.

Maggie it must be heart breaking for you to finally see Pauls house and his things gone. So many memories you will have but hopefully you can cling on to the good ones you will always have those no one can take them from you and well done to Sally on doing her challenge that was a great amount she made. 

Well I'm shattered didn't realise how much work it was painting a fence. I've had shower so a wee bit of TV and then off to bed. Take Care All. Sending you all hugs and strength as always. 

Vicky xx

Vicky I will be thinking of you and Margaret. I did our fence which took two days and I was shattered then cut the lawns. It is pouring here this morning. Things are better as we had a chat and sai to start a fresh.  I can’t believe we are having arguments at our age but hey ho. He is trying to be much nicer to me. Just going to get a cuppa. 

Morning Vicky nice to hear from you fingers crossed that Margaret scan is all good and you can put it behind you.We have made 2 weeks into this Chemo we both said longest 2 weeks of our lives seems soo slow to next week when we hopefully have made it to number 2.Ihave wrapped him in cotton wool just to get to number 2 Chemo coping well with side effects considering sending lots of love xx