Bowel cancer CARERS, FAMILY & FRIENDS chat

Thanks Maggie xx

You’re welcome Vicky. Well I have creosoted 10 panels of 4 in. I was shattered and it took 2 days as they were new.  Also cut the back lawn. Must admit Les has not even said thank you or that’s a good job. Honestly I am trying my hardest but no thanks. He did say I will get you another 2 tins and I said what for, he said a second coat, I said well I am paying someone to do it then, then he walked away. I dare not say what I thought lol. 

big hugs to everyone xxx

Hi Maggie!

That's good you have at least been keeping busy to take you mind off things. This something I need to do to my little back garden but the weather has had other ideas and everytime I go to do it it rains (typical Scottish summer), I have mys sister's CT scan at hospital tomorrow. Just not looking forward to this at all. Triggering all sorts because as I said previously this is the same scan Jay had to go for and it confirmed his cancer had come back. She's staying here with me over the next couple of days. She said last week she felt a little bit sick but think its nerves thinking about this. Sometimes hard to say how she is feeling. You ask her and she says she's fine but just wonder about that. Take Care Maggie. 

Vicky x

I hope Margaret is okay and just nerves Vicky. 

how is everyone xx

well I had a huge argument with him yesterday as when I went out he rang wat I thought was a really good friend but turned out not to be. I was fuming and he said I can talk to her and not you as I said I did not want to know. I went bolistic as I said nothing of the sort. I am the one has been in for the last 18 months not her. I told him I will be civil if she comes here but nothing else. He rang about his poops, again I was fuming and saris has she had a liver resection, gallbladder out and 15 inches of bowel removed. Mind she is a hypochondriac and takes all sorts of medication for this and that. I told him he should ring the colorectal nurse for advice not her. I am still fuming as she is not interested in me just him and her druggie nephew who she goes to see. After all things I or we have done and when I asked her to come to Newcastle for his liver op which was all free she said sorry no I can’t. I do feel mean but I am his wife not her, honestly I can’t believe he would do that behind my back. In the end he did ring the colorectal nurse who told him to have tinned prunes and drink more. Obviously I must be so thick to think I was helping.  Put your thoughts on email for me please xx

thinking of you all xxx

Maggie I DON'T think you would want my thoughts on this I was fuming when I was reading this your life is different but also similar. First of all I also have a reallt tough week Simon is doing okish I think he has got depressed a couple of time had enough can't deal with this any longer which in turn sent me into a depressed state as he has been so strong all the way through this but I think we are at a point 18 months where we have had enough missing out on family work finances fun laughter everything I have to admit I left the house at 1 point and walked the streets. Glad to report the darkness past . Maggie you said she was a friend to both is she your friend or his I would have gone crazy as well not sure if he is just angry like Simon got and just wants a reaction or just really not listening to what he is saying I hope you let him know how hurt it made you feel it's a long lonely road for us all think we are just at the angry stage take a deep breath good cry let it out x

Jkee she was actually supposed to be my friend. She always gives him a cuddle as well.  He said I don’t cuddle him but I never have as I have never been a touchy  freely person even with the children etc. I just lost it and said she gives you a cuddle for enough people. She even rang him in hospital and I had to tell her not to as he was asleep because she said he was not answering her and I said  I am point of call. Like you being there 24/7 is really hard but no help from her. She never even came to see him when in Newcastle so I asked my daughter who I paid to come from Australia to stay for two weeks to answer. I was fuming. She did say to me you must be worried, WORRIED I was full of an anxiety and emotionally drained. When he came home from both ops he was in bed and she was going to walk straight into the bedroom to see him and I shouted STOP he is resting. Honestly I am still fuming but trying to calm down.  If it had been a bloke it would have been different I think. Do you think I am wrong in the way she thinks she can just do what she wants but with no support for me.  He is angry now about me saying not to ring her but speak to me or the nurse. He said are you jealous of her, I said no but talk to me the way you talk to her and not in a manner that is horrible. What do you think xx

Well Maggie I would be jealous and if you was it's not a bad thing it means you love him.I think you need to open up more and be honest how you feel to your friend as well I'm sure if it is just a hug she means well and if you have all been friends a long time maybe worried.We have family that hug and Simon feels uncomfortable with hugging my friends but I am that hugger.

Jkee I was jealous but not saying it to him. Unfortunately over the last 8 years with his dad and mum we spent all our time going up and down the motorway, one hour each way nearly every night after work and I was shattered to say the least. As you know he retired early in October and then this happens. We have not been away for over 10 years. To be honest I am not sure how he feels as if anyone wanted anything doing he would do it for them but not me. We should be enjoying each others company if all that makes sense. 

enough about me how are you coping Jkee xx

Maggie I think you are going through the same as us you are both angry at Cancer but showing it in different ways. I lost it last week first time but Simon and I chatted it out saying we are fed up Simon as always worked and same as Les does everything for everyone else been the provided for the family even picks the rubbish from the street but me stopping him doing for people last week he said he just wants to be normal . The Chemo was brutal the first week but we made it past week one just the flu lie feeling at moment but he is amazing.You should be spending time together enjoying the time Les is on a good day please don't have any regrets thinking I wish we had done this or that . You say your not a hugger but you need that hug you both do otherwise you feel alone it's amazing how your shoulders drop and everything feels better.

Just read your post and I would have been furious with her and your husband!! Hope having a huge argument cleared the air a bit. I do t think he realises how hard it is for you and you need to have a conversation with him and explain how you feel. Apart from that I would be tempted to ignore your friend as I have done this with one of mine, friends for over 50 years yet her and her husband never came to see me or Kevin. Now I speak if I see her but it would never be the same. It is a tough lonely life I’m afraid and you can only do your best but try not to regret saying things and make the most of your time together. Sorry if this sounds harsh but sometimes you have to have your say!! Anyway I’m sending you a huge hug from me xx

Helen x