Just need to vent as so stressed

FormerMember over 5 years ago

4 replies
12 subscribers
5064 views

Hey all,

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016 just after my 30th birthday. This March (2019) after a few months of pain in my shoulders I found out that the cancer had spread to my bone, lung and lymph glands. I was gutted.. my oncologist said that chemotherapy was my best option and was to start in the next two weeks, which I did. Hearing that news just destroyed me.. I was crying myself to sleep every night thinking about my funeral and how I felt like I've been cheated out of life.. Like I am 32 and now I'm thinking this might be it?

I've been on chemo since March now. I am having it weekly but as the chemo effects my blood so much I've missed 7 weeks of chemo treatment as my bloods have been so low. I've already had a blood transfusion but it is my blood platelets that are the issue now and nothing can be done yet to help them increase.

Had my first scan since treatment 3 weeks ago and doctor said there was some shrinking in my lung and lymph glands but couldn't really tell in my bones. He noticed new places have shown up in my scans on my bones and not sure if it's more cancer or just the chemo effecting that area.

I just feel at a complete loss.. I know that this is incurable but I wanted to do so much with my life. And now everything is so uncertain. Will I even see 35? Heck will I even see my next birthday. I am just feeling so scared and alone. Any advice is welcome on how to cope with this, I have no idea how long I will be under chemo treatment it's just ongoing atm. My oncologist isn't the easiest to talk too unfortunately. So I am just trying to find a little comfort as right now I feel so alone.

Thank you in advance and good luck all that are going through this

IamLyn over 5 years ago

Hi Saz86

I was going to reply to you by private message but I am such a technophobe, I cannot work out how to send you one without adding you as a friend and you accepting.

I notice you posted this message on the Bone Cancer site, I have the same as you but have found this to be a quiet site (nothing wrong with that but not a lot of traffic). I now use the secondary cancer site and found this to be better place to be for me personally. Great people who all support each other.

Anyway enough gibberish - I am sorry to hear of the place you are in - not going to put lipstick on the pig - its shitty.

If your oncologist is not easy to talk to ask for another one -you are within your rights. There are more questions than answers for you at the moment and only when you have the answers you will be able to move forward.

If they cant tell if in your bones ask for a scan, Mets showed in my bones when I has a PET Scan. Can someone accompany you to your onc appointment so they can ask questions for you. I found this helpful as when I got my results all I could see was my ONCs mouth moving but hearing no words.

I have sent you a friend request you can email me if you want. No pressure.

So many contacts on this site who will support you

Best of luck

Lyn

FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to IamLyn

Hey Lynn,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I just feel so very overwhelmed with it all. Just feel very cheated right now. I feel too young to be thinking about my life being over thanks to this awful awful disease. I know it's morbid and shouldn't think that way but our minds all go there I am sure.

Though my oncologist is knowledgeable, he is just very difficult to talk to. He seems to ramble on and not fully explain everything to me and even though my mum comes with me to appointments I do feel myself leaving still alittle unsure. I have only just found out secondary cancer in the bones isn't curable so it's literally hit me all over again months after the actual diagnosis. So now feel stupid and naive that I just had to fight this again and go back to living my life..

I did accept your friend request thank you. Hopefully as I get used to this site I will find comfort going forward. Just trying to keep the negative thoughts out of my head and living day by day.

Thank you again for replying,

Sarah

buttercup01 over 5 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi, did u know that the Room is a great place to vent/ rant if u need to? Of course the relevant cancer type group's good too but if u just want a general rant the Room helps. U can join it like any other group and start a discussion

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.

buttercup01 over 5 years ago

Did u know there's a group for those diagnosed with breast cancer at an early age?

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.

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Just need to vent as so stressed