Petrified Daughter

Dear Sarahbake,

Im sorry to hear about your mother. Cancer is scary and can kill us. But it sounds as if your mother has some options.

My Mum had bladder cancer too, many years ago. But in those days there were few treatments. Now there are many more things that they can do.

It sounds as if the oncologist is going to use a number of things to help your mother. That is good news. My oncologist has always been very supportive and has worked hard to ensure the best possible result for me. I think that is typical of oncologists and I expect your mother's will be just as good as mine.

And the fact that something has only just been approved here in Britain doesn't mean it hasn't been used successfully here in trials and elsewhere before this. New treatments are coming into use all the time and they are having good results with them.

For example I had chemo plus bladder removal and then a newly approved immunotherapy drug. 3 years later there is at least 1 newer immunotherapy drug in regular use since then.

Surgery would remove the cancer still contained inside the bladder. But it would do nothing for the lymph nodes. The treatment they are offering is to attack the disease wherever it is. And hopefully it will work well. I'm confident they will be doing their best.

It may be tough for your mother and for you but they are doing it because they want it to work.

We all want to be told we are cured. So your oncologists words may sound scary. But I think it is fair to tell you that bladder cancer can recur even after bladder removal and other treatment. However, when it does there are generally things they can do.

So please try not to rush to the worst possible conclusion. I hope that your mother will find the treatment keeps her healthy for a long time. There are people on this forum who aren't 'cured' but have been living a decent quality of life for years and hopefully one of them will be able to reassure you.

And nobody can guarantee how long anyone can live. Personally I aim for 5 good years after my operation. And if I manage that, I'll be looking for another 5. What I try to do is to live as much as possible in the now rather than delaying things for the future.

Finally, please don't just Google at random. The trusted sites like Macmillan (which has great booklets on bladder cancer that are downloadable), Cancer Research (ditto) the NHS websites and Action on Bladder Cancer are all safe to read. Otherwise, people who really know little to nothing about the subject can go into things in an irresponsible way and sensationalising things, which can be unnecessarily frightening.

I hope that you feel a little better after this. And please tell your mother not to give up. Everyone here will try to support you as she goes through this treatment. Don't hesitate to talk to us if there are things you don't understand or want to ask

All the best,

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