I'm sure there are plenty of you who feel like I do. It's been just over 36 hours since I received my diagnosis of stage 1 bladder cancer. It feels like a weight on my head and shoulders, but a slight improvement to immediately after diagnosis, when I felt for most of the day like the walls were closing in around me.
The doctors and nurses at the hospital (Aintree, Liverpool) said quite a few things, half of those things went right over my head because I was in a daze and not taking anything in properly. I hadn't read my NHS letter until I was in the waiting room because I've moved house very recently and only grabbed it from the old house the previous afternoon. I thought I'd be turning up, peeing in a pot, having a quick blood test, quick scan with a machine and I'd be sent on my way, but cystoscopy? OK, I had one when I was about 11, it'll be fine I thought.
Fast forward to after the (uncomfortable!) procedure, followed by a very rummagey prostate examination, I'm led over to a screen where the doctor started talking about something, but I wasn't taking it in because the cystoscopy/prostate exam combo had made me feel queasy, then I started sweating, went really hot and nearly fainted. Then they asked "Are you feeling sick because of the news?" "What news?" I asked, not having taken anything in. Then I was quickly whisked away to the recovery room with a gaggle of nurses checking my BP and pulse, and bringing me tea. This is a bit full on for feeling faint, I thought. Then the doctor appeared again with a cancer nurse, and it was only then when they started to explain that I really got to grips with what was happening to me.
So yeah, from "It'll be a quick scan etc, it's fine" to "What the ****, I have cancer?" all in less than an hour. To say I was unprepared is an understatement.
What I'm dealing with so far: Apparently its stage 1 bladder cancer. Superficial non-muscle invasive carcinoma. There is also a lump on my prostate, which is "grossly enlarged", and they don't yet know if it's something benign or something worse. I've had trouble passing water for some time now, along with sudden urgency, not being able to empty the bladder completely, etc.
That's how things are for me at the moment. I've had to leave a message with the hospital to get a call back so that I can check what's actually going to happen because I was too overwhelmed and nothing went in. I think the intention is to operate in the next few weeks. I know nothing beyond this at the moment, and obviously it's all really daunting, but could be a lot worse.
Just an intro post really, no questions to ask. Just an account of where I am at the moment. Hoping to get some support from here, as well as offer support to people going through the same thing as I am, when I'm in a position where I'm capable of doing so.
