Husband's diagnosis

Hi B2theC and welcome to this friendly group, although sorry to hear your husband has BC. It is quite understandable how you feel. We know a diagnosis can affect loved ones the same if not more than the person diagnosed. Early days yet but know BC can be treated successfully. CT and other scans are routine to give them a bigger picture. The next step will be a routine procedure to remove the tumour (called TURBT). Biopsies will be taken and then an action plan will be put in place. The early days of uncertainty can be the worst. Once you know exactly what you are dealing with, things tend to be slightly easier. Lots of experience here so feel free to ask anything or just come to share your feelings. We understand. Best wishes.

Thank you - much appreciated. 

Hi bt2thec

Welcome to the forum, and iam sorry to hear your situation.

There is no doubt this is an emotional time. All sorts of thoughts go through your head that's human nature. The morning I was told my wife and I hugged and cried for a long time and thought all sorts of things. Once it became clear after my turbt and a pathway was established we got used to the fact and tried to carry on as normal. There is lots of information out there although as other members of this forum will tell you avoid Dr Google. The members of the forum have vast experience and we will help every step of the way. Once the pathway is established and things become clearer you will hopefully begin to feel better.

Rember you are never alone

Best wishes 

Mark

Hi B2theC,Welcome to the group.It is overwhelming at the start.I’m sure you will feel better once you know the plan for your husbands treatment.This is a friendly group so feel free to ask anything there is support and help on here.Best wishes Jane xx

Thank you Mark.

Thank you xx

Hi B2theC,

Sorry to hear your news but as others have said, on this forum we've all been where you and your husband are today.

You've had a big shock  both of you, and at the moment it's strange, new and frightening. I'm the bladder cancer patient in our house and my husband was as shocked as you are when we heard the news.

People often forget that having to watch a loved one go through cancer treatment can be worse that having it done to you. After all, once we decide on the treatment plan for us, our job is to lie back and take the medicine. And we get all the attention. But our partners have to carry on keeping life going, supporting us and watching as we go through it all. However, please remember to look after yourself and if you need help ask for it.

We got through it by supporting each other, discussing how we felt and taking all the support friends and family could give. 

Once you get past the current stage and you both get into a routine it should become easier to cope. That's the time to look at those plans you think have exploded.

Cancer makes us all look at the world differently and things may no longer seem so important or urgent. On the other hand, cancer isn't the end of the world and you may make different or better plans. We found that dealing with it taught us a lot about ourselves and the world around us. And I know others have felt the same. 

Keep posting and all the best to you both,

Latestart

Thank you. I understand it's shock both he and I are experiencing. It's that feeling of having no control; of wanting to swap places; constantly sneaking looks at him to see if he looks okay; stopping myself from constantly asking if he is okay / what he's thinking about and worst of all, wondering if I'll lose him. That last part, I realise, is utterly selfish but I can't help it. It's mad really...I lost my father to bowel cancer when he was just 26 (it was the 70s) and grew up with a mother obsessed with medical books and illnesses. As such, my sister and I are what I consider, neurotic in terms of cancer....then, low-and-behold, her partner gets bowel cancer (beaten thank God) and mine bladder. You couldn't write it!

I'm normally positive so I know I need to change my mindset. I think I'll be visiting this site rather regularly though!

At this stage it's inevitable that your mind is in overdrive with pondering the future. Your husband will probably have a TURBT soon (short procedure under GA as day surgery), to remove the tumour and do a biopsy. About two weeks after that, the medics will have all the results they need to advise on most appropriate treatment.

Take heart that BC is very treatable, if caught reasonably early. There may be choices to be made - there is usually one or more of us here who can offer personal experience to help with decision making. 

Once the plan is in place, and you have some idea of what the future holds, you should feel more settled. In the meantime, just try to enjoy yourselves. Worrying won't change anything, but we all do it!

So true - it's already there and won't be sorted for a few weeks. Thank you.