My partner has been diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer

Hi Evelyn and welcome to this friendly helpful group. I'm afraid I don't have advice for you myself but just wanted you to get a prompt 'hello' from someone here. I see you are also on the group for supporting someone with incurable cancer, hopefully they will have more tips, also the Macmillan phone line. And it's good you have joined the carers' group. Have you also contacted your local county Carers' Association? I always recommend this, as although what is offered varies from county to county, I have been glad of the services offered in two different counties over the years [first caring for my Mum and now my husband]. You have a legal entitlement to a Carer's Assessment; all this should support you in caring for your partner.

Best wishes, 

Denby

Thank you Denby for your caring words.  I am already a carer for my son who has autism.  It's been so hard to even get through to our doctor and then when we did manage it...she was very unhelpful.  We trust Macmillan as they have been the only ones who have cared and explained things.  We just want some help now in the form of palliative care, we're totally lost as to what to do with him deteriorating so fast.  He doesn't want to be taken to hospital though. When he does pass, he wants to be at home with me. 

Many of us would prefer this Evelyn. Do Macmillan or Marie Curie or your local hospice provide a Hospice-at-Home service in your area? I do sympathise about the doctor; it has taken me nine attempts over two days just to get through to our daughter's practice to re-follow up the complaint I put in for her on 6th July, as they still have not sorted their own crass mistake. This doesn't even rank with terminal cancer and the need for skilled pain management etc. 

I don't know how severe your son's autism is, this must be incredibly hard for you and him as there is so much unpredictability going on, changes to routines etc. My husband has Asperger's, I probably do too though rather less affected. But slowly coming to some understanding of neurodiverse life   gives me a small insight into how extra stressful the current upheaval must be in your home. Might it be any good contacting the practice manager [they often have huge power as they control the purse strings] to express your disappointment and needs, which will after all sadly mostly be short term, and ask for more/better help?

Best wishes ongoing, 

Denby