Living in fear,

Hi again Nigel. I think many of us have similar fears not knowing what he future holds. One thing I regret is when I was going through treatment I was offered various crafting courses from the local cancer care charity. I fancied the silversmithing course, but thought "what's the point"?, I may not have a future. If I had gone for it, I could now be an accomplished artisan, and maybe making some money along the way. Try looking forward to what you could do and not what you may not be able to. Best wishes.

Hi Nigel,

Diagnosed with bladder Cancer in October, TURBT in November.. Grade 1 stage 1 ... I had my Cystoscopy in February which was (fortunately) clear... So I  TOTALLY understand your concerns (I suffer anxiety)... I have found that friends who have had Cancer have been fantastically supportive and willingly offer support and understanding (as have my family). also so have MacMillan staff/website. I am starting to engage with various groups and activities many recommended by health professionals and MacMillan staff. None of us know what the future holds.... but coping with the here and now by keeping yourself active and 'engaged' seems by far the best plan.

I hope this helps...... since being diagnosed I have seldom 'felt alone and isolated' ....there are so many people out there who have taken/are also taking this 'Cancer  journey'....

MacMillan also has some really good information on the emotional effects of Cancer as do friends who have taken this journey..

Wishing you all the very best ....

Peter  (Simul) 

Cheers as always Rily… hope you’re well my friend 

Cheers Peter…I’ve got a few session booked with my local Maggies…that will help

Hi Rob, 

I was signposted by our medical centre social presciber to a  free wellbeing seminar run locally by Macmillan last month...I went along with my wife and it was really helpful .. it explained so much about feeling like you've 'fallen off a cliff' once you've finished treatment and the 'vacuum' that can exist and how anxiety can take over even after treatment has finished. It gave some really good advice on eating, fitness etc...

Subsequently I visited and spoke to a Macmillan nurse who managed to give me more information with respect to my biopsies and the meanings of some of the terms used on the hospital paperwork, this helped my understanding and reduced some of my anxiety...

I was reluctant to 'fully engage' at first as I felt a 'fraud' being Stage 1 grade 1 whilst so many people around me were far worse (Stage 3/4 grade 3 etc)...... but as a friend said ... ' you only have to be diagnosed with Cancer to be part of the 'club' there are no minimum entry requirements'.... everyone has been so supportive ...

Hope your sessions go well..... 

Best wishes

Peter

I've just resigned myself to try not worry about what might happen and deal with things if and when they do. Maybe it won't work for anyone but you can't change some things so just have to deal with things as they happen. 

Some might say it's a case of burying your head in the sand, but I keep an eye on things and look out for anything that doesn't seem right and see the doctors if need be. 

Obviously I have my moments where I worry but I try not to let them take over my life and stress me out. 

It seems to be working for me. 

Hi Nigel, I am not sure that there is a trick. I find I have good days and bad days. somedays i can let the thoughts begin to runaway with themselves and before i know it, I am feeling anxious . noticing how i think and catching the thoughts before they spiral helps. I do practice mindfullness , and i have to be quite disciplined with myself and do it everyday, even when i am feeling good. It has taught me to live in the here and now , not worry about the future so much.    I have an app on my phone that teaches meditation and mindfullness, its really helped me. It is a whole new way of life , not something I had done properly before .               They may have a course at maggies that you could join.

Its very shocking to be told you have cancer Nigel and its not something we ever forget. be kind to yourself my friend , you are doing great xx

Hi Nigel

I'm quite new to all this, but the way I've dealt with it is to try and know all about Bladder Cancer, every stage, grade, treatment etc until I'm on top of it mentally.  Even to the extent that the consultant asked me if I was a medical profesional when I asked a few pointed questions.

Much like Simon mentions in his post, I feel that we are bound by the facts and have to utilise the treatments available and so I try not to worry about it, but instead understand it.

I do realise that anxiety can be crippling and if that were the case I would recommend seeking help from the advisors at MacMillan or from the good folk on these forums.  There's a weath of knowledge here but perhaps more importantly a wealth of empathy from people who are struggling/coping with the same issues.

all the best

Rob

Hi Nigel, I think my approach is 'I can't control cancer (or other illness) but I can control how I react to it. That frees me from fear because I'm doing all I can to get well by following the treatment plan (having first agreed that it is what I want to do). This approach must be innate, because I take very few pains to maintain it.

From the moment I heard I had bladder cancer I have tried to be as matter of fact as I can so as not to worry my family. Having a strange sense of humour helps. I had a short wobble when they cancelled my op because of a blood clot and I wondered if I was going to be put on palliative care but I coped because I had to, injected blood thinners as directed and 2 weeks after my scheduled date had the op.

When we learn we have something serious wrong with us it punctures our sense of invulnerability. And that can make us fearful. 

And I believe that we were made open to fear cancer in our youth by people whispering in corners about this 'terrible' disease. My father was like that but when my mother found she had bladder cancer and no treatment was possible 50 years ago, she faced it calmly following her principle of 'what can't be cured must be endured' and died less than a month later. She wasn't very emotional, like me, I miss her still.

Dad was even more scared of cancer after that. In fact he was diagnosed with skin cancer later on, had it treated successfully, and died in his armchair aged 79 peacefully watching Newsnight. 

When I was diagnosed with the same  thing as Mum I was shocked, especially as I gave up smoking just after she died and thought that was protection enough. But, while adopting her mantra, it wasn't my first health shock. Nearly 10 years ago I had a spontaneous hip fracture as I walked along a street - no fall, it just broke from one step to the next - osteoporosis, so maybe I knew about being vulnerable from that.

I refuse to worry about what happens next because that would stop me enjoying life. The past 2.5 years have had their downs and ups but I've learnt a lot and enjoyed most of it. And so have the family. We are prepared to face whatever happens next, though we aren't looking for trouble! I'll face the next problem when/if it actually happens. I'm not at all brave and like everyone don't like pain (though had to bear some with the hip, though not much so far with the cancer).

I recently saw a specialist for something else, possibly caused by the cancer or the chemo and he apologised for worrying me. And, before I could think of it, found myself saying, 'Oh, you can't frighten me, I've had cancer.' It made us both laugh - like I said, strange sense of humour, but clearly I meant it (so far).

I hope this might make you think that a different way of coping is possible. 

Take all the help you can get and with luck that will enable you to overcome the fear too. 

All the best,

Latestart

Hi everyone,

thank you so much for your amazing replies…it has really helped me…im not sure I’ll ever completely stop worrying, but I’m on top of it…

love to all Nigel xx