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Hi there so last year at the of 37 I was told I had bladder cancer during this time I stayed as positive as I could and had a few surgery's to remove the cancer as it kept coming back then I had 6 weeks of bcg treatment on all days was on a Monday no one like Mondays right.

In the October I was told I am clear and I would need on going treatment to make sure I does no dome back 

I was am very lucky I know this the one thing I struggle with is letting ppl get close to me and constant feelings of being numb to the world and I just don't get why this is 

Like why was during to time I was going thru the cancer I was upbeat and positive and now I feel nothing 

I can't really talk with my friends about this as they want understand  

  • Hi and welcome to this group.

    Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but it sounds like the treatment is working which is great news.

    You've been through a rollercoaster of a time recently and the emotions can be all over the place. 

    I think we all have down days even when things are going well. It can be quite daunting thinking about the future treatment's as these can take a toll.

    Sorry to hear that you're feeling numb and not yourself. It can be expected, but perhaps you need to speak to your doctor to see if they can get you additional help.

    I suffer from depression and anxiety, so I do get it. 

    There are lots of experienced people on this forum, so they might be able to offer more and better words of advice.

    I wish you all the best.


  • Hi and welcome. two things -you can say whatever you like to us lot, that's the advantage of the outside anonymity of the forum. And why not give the MacMillan helpline a call, I am sure they will understand and it is one step more 'human' than screen and keyboard, to speak on the phone,0808 808 00 00. pen 8am-8pm I believe.

  • I think most if not all of us can easily understand what you are experiencing. I am almost a year from when I was first diagnosed almost a year ago, although I had the tumour earlier based on the blood in the urine. Since then, emergency room visit, catheters, TURBT, diagnosis of high grade cancer, 6 sessions of BCG (also on Mondays), more cystoscopes, and now 2 of 3 more BCG. I also consider myself very fortunate for the treatment and medical care I have received. I tell my family and friends that I recognize how fortunate I am, but in private still have some tears living with this diagnosis and the treatment side effects reminding me of it. It is not difficult to feel alone and deflated at times. I think it is very important to connect with others suffering from the same condition including through this forum. Stay strong my friend and take care of yourself. 

  • I understand how you feel, you feel lucky but unlucky and then a deep down fear of cancer returning, I wonder if we get the numb feeling to sort of shut off all feelings in able to deal with the scale of it all. Or maybe it's so many emotions to deal with we close down and feel numb as it's all too much to try and process at present?