Week 7 Reflections - 11 days post treatment

I am100% with you on that.  I purposely asked my husband not to mention it to anyone as I didn’t want to have them worrying or feeling sorry for me.  

Hello Mrs Vanilla

I totally understand you wanting strong people around you and I hope you did have that - I did and I was also able to share my bad times with my staunch supporters too.  That was important to me in the really dark times, and I always felt better for it.

Irene xx 

Yes, I did thanks, Irene - I had to prime my sister not to give me too much sympathy! Glad you had your team, too.

I also found everyone here really supportive and full of empathy which was really important when you get 'The News' and don't know where to turn.

Hi Mrs Vanilla,

I am trying to remember if I read the article about the toxic positivity and I shall have to look it up. I didn’t really discuss my cancer with close friends only that I found treatment pretty uncomfortable at times. They are no more expert in saying the right words as we are as we all interpret or interact differently. It’s reminds me of when my friend lost her husband and of course I was devastated for her and worried about her but just didn’t want to say anything that would cause more grief. Some of us want a good cry and some just cope by other means. Us going through cancer are told we are brave but I always said I’m not as I didn’t choose to be in this position and we HAVE NO CHOICE but to deal with it. I tried to be kind to them and asked them to let me lead the conversation if I felt like talking about it and sometimes got that dreaded sentence I absolutely hate for some reason, ‘oh bless you!’ Aggggggh! I also got the you look so well which made me wonder did I look bad before. This is I suppose how difficult it is for us to say the right things and I am guilty of wording what I mean to say and it comes out wrong. That’s why it’s so good to come on here and have a good old moan and we as members don’t have to take it personally. We are a forum of people from all walks of life coming together because of anal cancer and not because we have met through choice as we know we don’t get on with everyone on our own circles in life and can avoid them. We can be more open and honest with each other which is so valuable on here.

Julie

Hey

I have my best friend and she been a godsend - she will cry with me, laugh with me, give me a boost and listen to me rant. I think sometimes having one or two people (hubby has also been phenomenal) that you can be 100% you with - it makes the world of difference.  I think for me now its navigating the pressure I feel from people to be "better" when I am also placing that same pressure on myself lol - I'm nearly two weeks post treatment and mentally I want to start resuming normal life activities but my body is like er no - you can have 5 minute bursts!!  

We do need to be patient with ourselves and others.... But honestly I'm not ready for happy clappy people right now lol  

Lot of love and appreciation for you all. 

Xx

Mrs Vanilla

I remember I went to my GP practice not long after I finished treatment and saw this lovely female doctor.  She said in such a kindly manner I have been reading your notes and you really have been through the mill, and to my absolute horror my eyes filled with tears and I could feel my lip trembling.  I felt as if I had walked into the surgery stark naked, I felt so exposed in behaving in a way that I normally only did with family.  I am a really buttoned-up reserved person (well I was BC)!

I agree, the forum is wonderful!  xx 

That is lovely - sometimes just having your pain acknowledged is overwhelming and realising someone understands ..well, I was filling up just reading your little comment!

xx

 Irene75359  you're what makes the forum wonderful - I am always appreciative of your posts, your honest shares and the support you provide

Ali,

Your journal of how your treatment has progressed is inspiring, and would have been be so helpful if I had been able to read it when I was having treatment.

I just wanted to say you should put it on your profile as it's such a useful read.

What a brilliant forum this is, so many great posters and support - thanks to all!