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Hi Trv22

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. You are entitled to feel sorry for yourself i do sometimes. My hospital has a cancer charity attached to it which offers counselling and support groups. Maybe yours does or if not there might be a charity in the area that offers something. Then you could get regular on going support. The old you is still in there. Sending hugs. Xx

Oh Trv22, reading your post was really sad. Personally I think you have plain horrible depression after all the setbacks you have had to deal with these past few years. Sadly and truthfully when you are depressed and miserable others around you cannot always deal with it and it makes them feel uncomfortable. I worked in mental health for many years and those suffering with depression become very self absorbed unable to break the habit of feeling miserable and it becomes a viscous circle. You need to see if you would benefit some counselling and a supportive doctor who can deal with the problems you are having with the bleeding. Damage to the sphincter is only too common after AC treatment and I also have some damage and have to manage my diet so as to prevent loose bowels which can affect your daily life. I always carry Imodium with me just in case. I am over three years post treatment and have accepted this is a way of life. I believe the mucus is caused by an upset gut lining which could be diet inflicted but if it smells then get down to your doctor and find out why. With all these radiotherapy fallouts it my be an idea to write down on paper numbering each one and going through your list and look at what positive things you can do to improve on through outside help e.g. doctors, counselling, medicine etc. Wearing pads, so what! If you need to wear them whilst you try and solve the problem I would not worry. With the trumping as you call it, no one died hearing a Trump! So what! This is food related or weakness of the sphincter muscles. Your local hospital may do self referral for pelvic floor advice and training to strengthen this area, my hospital did. As Bungle1 says, look to see if your hospital offers after cancer help like Maggies. I’m not going to say everything will be fine as it’s a journey you have to take to heal yourself inside and out and you can do one step at a time. You come on here and moan all you like as we are hear to listen to the good, bad and ugly things about life. One thing I would do is try and avoid moaning to your friends as they are not had to experience what you have had to go through and we can’t expect them to really understand what it can be like. Once you start to feel you are coping better you can be a bit more welcoming towards them and will be able to become your friends again. Do be extra kind to yourself and remember you are a survivor of this horrible disease and have a future if not a slightly challenging one but you can start fighting for it NOW!

Julie

Thank you for your kindness and advice..

Thank you for you advice and tips..

Hi Trv22 ,

It sounds as though you’ve really been through & are still going through the mill, I’m so sorry for this. 

Although thankfully I haven’t suffered long term bowel disruptions after my treatment, it’s definitely changed my digestive system, there are certain foods I can only have in moderation now or my tummy isn’t happy & I’ve also got hip, lower back & sciatic issues. I’ve been given an intensive physiotherapy program for these issues, sometimes they help other times not so much & I very rarely get through a day without taking pain relief. Unfortunately this seems to be part of the legacy of this treatment. 

From reading your post I think it’s important for you to try & access some counselling. If you’ve any local cancer charities or a Maggies Centre close to you these should offer counselling services without going through your GP, if not then visit your GP or contact your treating team, explain how your mental health is suffering & ask if you can be referred, there are cancer specific counsellors out there too! 

You sound lost at the moment but the old you is still there you just need a bit of help finding her again. 

Nicola 

Hello Trv22

Please don't apologise - the forum is here for all of us regardless of the subject matter and you have hight-lighted some really important issues that some people have after cancer treatment.  I am so sorry you are having such a hard time and that your doctor was dismissive of PRD which many people suffer from after radiotherapy.  And to be diagnosed with fybromyalgia on top of anything else must be a blow too.  

I would agree with visiting a Maggie's Centre if you have one nearby, but if not there are several organisations, (MacMillan being one) that offer a phone service.  You need a really sensitive, non-judgemental ear to hear you out and help give you some relief.  I understand what you mean about friends, too.  I have a very good friend and when I was telling to her about my woes, she replied well you are here aren't you, and that shut me up sharpish.  I know she really cares about me but she just didn't understand about all the issues I have.  So I have learned the hard way to choose my audience carefully.

And my lovely GP put me on anti-depressants shortly after I was diagnosed, they didn't make me dopey at all but went some way to still the chattering voices in my head and softened my feelings enough so that I could cope.  It is something you could consider, there is no shame in having medication if you have clinical depression.

And can you speak to a more sympathetic GP at the practise?  Some doctors have bypassed the bedside manner element of their training.

Sending a big hug

Irene xx

Hi L , 

1. I can so relate to your post … The past 2 years have not been very kind to me .. turned me from an ageing rock chick to an ageing wreck !!! … this weekend the intestine pain , the mucus , the anxiety, the feelings of inadequacy have all surfaced big time … couldn’t look after my grandson , couldn’t enjoy a night out with my partner ….. what has happened to that confident , fun loving girl !! ? Well she is still there but for the moment , she is finding her way back …. A new start ( house sold ) a more refined rock chick , more jazz than punk , and hopefully the fun will return , adapting to the pain , the pads and the simple diet !!!
   you are not alone , come on here and join the gang …. !!!
2. take care
3. Chrissie xx 

Dear Trv22

My thoughts are with you. 

My friends are only sympathetic to a point. My dear Dad has been tremendous support but his view is it is in the past. My family, such as they are seem to be getting somewhat impatient it seems. I am almost a year on from chemo/radio for rectal cancer. 

I completely understand and empathise with how you are currently feeling. I have to remind myself as you do that I'm so grateful to be here. I have discomfort in my pelvic area and hips and groin. It seems to alternate between these areas aswell as my lower back. 

I have found Maggies, both in Swansea where I had my treatment and the Maggies in Inverness via zoom to be so kind so patient and so supportive. Both the trained staff, aswell as the volunteers.

I had a night out in London back in June, my first night out in years, I got back to the hotel at 4am!! It reminded me of the old me, dancing the night away, I suffered for it pain wise but it shows that I'm still able to let go and be in the moment

Please find strength in the positives. It's so good that you are clear of the disease. 

Take great care. 

Hugs

PaddyBud