I first wrote here about 5 months ago when my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 squamous cell in the anus/ rectum (5cm) with huge mets in the liver (9cm).
At that time I was in so much shock that it was happening and we felt the outlook was so bleak. I was crying every day. I wanted to update - we are now ‘in the swing’ of treatment and mum is doing well - so if you’re going through this know that it isn’t always as horrendous as you might first anticipate!
Mum has had weekly chemo (Plaxitxyl and something else) for 5 cycles (1 more to go) and the tumours have shrunk a lot and her cancer blood markers are at 0. They’ve even suggested there’s an outside chance she could get cured!
She now can’t feel the tumour in her anus at all and she feels ‘back to normal’ apart from Chemo tiredness which has been mild and manageable. She has been lightly swimming regularly throughout and also working a bit from home which have both helped her feel positive and ‘normal’ in the face of so much uncertainty.
I know not everyone will be feeling this well after lots of chemo but I wanted to say that (a) it can happen that you tolerate it ok and (b) we have all adjusted to life with mum having cancer treatment and the fog of panic/ anticipatory grief that came with diagnosis has lifted. We celebrated mum’s bday last weekend and she (and we all) had such a lovely time. We are so aware that we have to live for the time we have with her as we don’t know how this story will end but apart from treatment days cancer is not dominating her life and she is ok.
Radio + chemo is next and I know she’ll feel worse from that but she is gearing up for it.
I’m awe of everyone here going through treatment and wish you all many long and pain free days ahead xx
Hi HopefulOne & thank you so much for the update on your dear mum.
I think regardless of staging once we’ve received a diagnosis of cancer it makes us all a little unsure of our futures & wary of what’s to come. I love that you’ve all managed for the most part to put this to one side & to continue living a life alongside your mum.
You’ve described coming to terms with a diagnosis such as this perfectly when you say about the ‘fog of panic/ anticipatory grief’ lifting, it does lift & regardless of what the future may look like we have to continue living. I’ve had similar feelings & self expectations following the loss of my lovely dad back in May, I find myself thinking what would he want me to do? He wouldn’t want any of us lost in endless grief he’d want us to carry on living our lives doing things we love.
You & your mum sound like strong, level headed women, you will face this next stage together side by side I’m sure. I’m sending many healing & positive thoughts your way.
Nicola
Thank you for sharing this 
it fills me with so much hope and positivity. My mum has squamous cell cancer (oesophagus) stage 4. She started chemotherapy not long ago & I’m really hopeful we get some good news too. How are you doing by the way? & how is your mum getting on?
Gabby x
gotta stay hopeful right! Faith over fear
It’s okay, it has really made me cherish every moment I have with her & I hope we get lots more years.
I hope your mum is enjoying her treats and trips! Lots of love to you all 
That’s really good! It’s definitely good to have an outlet & you are doing amazing looking after ur mum and the little ones. I hope you find some time for urself too 
