Hi all
Im go8ng to have to tell my son something but I really dont know how to approach this.
He lost his grandad a few years ago through cancer and it happened very quicjly.
I want to steer away from the big C word but I also know he is at an age were he will know something is going on.
Thanks all x
Hi Ian L c2e27 ,
It’s a difficult conversation to have & a different one for each of us as only we know our children & how they’re likely to process things so the best I can do is to share my experience.
I have 2 daughters, my eldest has a learning disability & was 29 at the time of my diagnosis, she has her own home where she lives with her housemate with support. I never mentioned cancer to her as she would have had me dead & buried! I told her I had a lump where there shouldn’t have been one & needed a small operation & some ‘zapping’ after that to make it go away & that might make me a bit poorly for a few weeks but then I’d be better & she seemed satisfied with that. Thankfully that’s exactly what happened! My youngest daughter was coming up to 16 & was studying for her GCSE’s. She also suffers with anxiety on a couple of different levels one being health related so I was absolutely dreading that conversation. In the end I was totally honest with her about my diagnosis, she was obviously still at home, just her & I as we’d lost her dad in an accident 9 years prior, I told her it was cancer but it was early stages & it was fully expected to be curable with treatment, again I told her I would possibly not be at my best during the treatment & for a few weeks after but I would be ok. It was a difficult conversation but it had to be done as living together I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fly this one under the radar. I actually started my treatment on the same day that she had her first exam which wasn’t great timing for either of us. My lovely dad came to stay with us while I was having treatment in case I needed extra help at home (I live around 200 miles from my immediate family) but thankfully with afternoon naps & early nights I managed ok & the only thing dad found himself doing was walking my dog for me, accompanying me to my daily hospital appointments & on weekly shopping trips to the supermarket & flashing the hoover round each day but I’m incredibly thankful he was there for me as my emotional support throughout it all.
So I guess what I’m saying is you know your son best & how he’s likely to process the news so can adjust the conversation with that in mind. Kids are a lot more switched on these days than we give them credit for so with careful wording & explanations he may cope better than you’re anticipating.
An added bonus, I was able to go with my youngest to collect her exam results on results day & she did amazing! They’re also a lot more resilient than we think.
Nicola
