Wittering

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First off, you Brits have the best expressions. Wittering is exactly what I've been doing.

It's now been almost 2 weeks since the EUA I moaned about. It's been pretty much as I expected—a day or two of feeling surprisingly great, a lot of bleeding which thankfully soon stopped, then a few really nasty days after the surgical numbing wore off and the nerves woke up. Nothing but an opiate would do for that. A lot of days of lots of discomfort but a little easier to control. Today's my first day really out in the world, off to vote in the primaries and make the long drive to visit my granddaughter. 

Before the EUA my lovely doctor emphasized to me that it was likely to be easier than the last one and that she had no intentions of taking biopsies unless she 'saw something.' 

Well, when I woke up, still thankfully in a fog, she told me she took THREE biopsies as the area wasn't as smooth as she had hoped.

I'm not freaking out. I haven't had a 'smooth' anus ring in many a long year, due (I assume) to hemorrhoids. But I'm worried. And not just because biopsies hurt.

My follow-up appointment isn't until mid-June. I called her office yesterday and requested that someone call me as soon as the results are available. I don't want to jitter for that long. Hoped they'd have showed up in my patient portal, as often happens, but the very fact that I've heard nothing yet also ups the anxiety.

On a different but related topic, it's interesting to me how much the whole Anal Cancer Ordeal has showed up in my face. For most of my life I was dreadfully uncaring about skin care, tanning hard every summer and not moisturizing enough, so a deeply fissured face is only natural. But I've noticed it's really accelerated over the Cancer Years. The face recognition on my phone and Ipad don't know me any more!

I ain't mad. I've earned every groove and crack. I'm not developing the soft, welcoming old face with lots of smile lines that I'd anticipated.

It's much more Scary Crone. which suits me better anyway. 

  • Hi Suz,

    You're not Wittering, ( I prefer Rabbiting, myself) you're fed up and bloody scared! I know the doctors do their very best to reassure us, but the wait before finding out the results are a nightmare! Carrying the phone everywhere, checking the ringtone is on, just waiting and not knowing if you want it to ring or not! I hope they DO ring you soon and you're able to put all of this worry behind you!

    I'm so glad you're going to see your little granddaughter today, especially as you couldn't make her birthday! Have fun and give her loads of hugs!

    As for the Cancer Face, yikes, cover all of my mirrors please! I'm older than you, I'm 74, and yes, I've also earned my lines but I've developed hyper dry skin since my treatment! I'm also finding it hard to get the right shade of makeup, my complexion has changed too! Maybe I should just wear a paper bag over my face and have done with it? But, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, does it? At least we're still here to moan!

    Now who is the best at Rabbiting? Have a great day Suz, 

    Moira x

  • Hi Suz Witter away and Moira can rabbit away as you deserve it.  The waiting for results can be unbearable and can cause a lot of unnecessary wrinkles appear and give us a grimacing look. You are two years post treatment if I recall and it’s a really good goal post to reach as I was told by someone whose oncologist said it’s unlikely to return if the cancer has not metastasised I know we can never say never but we are all at risk of this dreadful disease. I also believe I have aged since treatment and thought it might be due to the depletion of oestrogen from treatment. When we are young and wrinkle free we were never really encouraged to look after our skin like a lot of young girls today. My 12 year old granddaughter and her friends have started slapping on the moisturisers already! I will add since cancer I am quite fussy with what creams I put on my body now and try and use natural as possible. 

    Here’s hoping you get good news from your doctors asap.

    Julie

  • Suz, you look lovely in your profile though I had to zoom in to look as I am so used to your purple colour! 

    I never look at myself in the mirror if I can help it-I feel I have aged a lot over the past few years and I don’t like what I see! But I looked today..because I found out yesterday I need to have a surgery on my face of all things, and I wondered how the scar is going to look along with all the lines-I don’t take care of the skin on my face but I should perhaps start! I can’t believe my poor old body is going to have to go through something else, but it’s not cancer so I am thankful for that really. It’s just going to be another visual reminder that I’ve come through something else-I should plot all the lines from my scars across myself and end up with my face in a kind of weird join the dots! 

    Sarah xx


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  • Suz

    Personally I think not just you but each and every one of us have cause to witter - none of us are the same mentally or physically following treatment and whilst we are all glad to be here sometimes having a moan amongst those that 'know' what life is like AC is definitely allowed!

    Following treatment my skin is okish, but I have extremely dry eyes - my husband wakes me every  morning with eye drops so I can blink.  My taste buds are non-existent and I suffer dizzy spells when I bend down.  Fatigue and aching hips are the norm.  So your effects after an extremely important regular procedure makes me clench up.  And waiting until mid-June for results, wow, that is a long time.  So witter on all you like, Suz, we are with you.

    I hope you can leave your troubles behind for a short while and have a lovely time with your granddaughter.

    Big hugs

    Irene xx

  • HI Moira, I'm intrigued by the Paper Bag Solution. It would be WAY easier to just put makeup on the bag, and also to decorate our new 'faces' for various holidays and celebrations.

    I'm so annoyed I didn't think of this brilliant idea.

    Hugs

    Suz

  • Hi Julie

    I'm lucky my face isn't worse. Here in the states, in the 70s and 70s, 10*0*6 astringent by Bonne Belle was all the rage. I moved out when I was 16 and never had any money, so I looked at the main ingredient of the popular cleanser, saw 'rubbing alcohol' and cut out the middle man.

    Yup. Cleaned my face with rubbing alcohol for YEARS. And never wore moisturizer as I was afraid it would make my already oily skin break out more.

    What a mess.

    Oh, if we could go back. Of course, if I could, I'd be a lot more worried about HPV prevention than skin care. But still

    Hugs

    Suz

  • Thank you, Sarah, that's so kind of you! My current picture is almost 10 years old, so very different from how I look now. Don't even know why I changed it - I think I just wanted to remember whom I used to see in the mirror. 

    I'm so sorry about the face surgery. I think I had this silly baby idea a couple of years ago, not really thought out, just floating, that coping with anal cancer was enough and life wouldn't add any curve balls whilst I was trying to deal with it.

    Yes, I spend too much time in Fantasyland.

    Pouring all the good mojo into this ordeal being a relatively easy one for you, and that whatever scarring happens makes you look like an Awesome Amazon Warrior Queen.

    HUgs

    Suz

  • Dr. Pierre called me yesterday.....

    Still NED!!!!!

    Whoop whoop!

    Once the euphoria allowed me to speak again, I asked about the ongoing pain, both pre and post the EUA, and she said that what had caused her to do the biopsies was the degree of inflammation. My skin is just torqued from the treatment, and she said frankly that it would never be the same as it was pre-treatment. 

    So, I need to focus going forward on what I can to do to simply soothe and heal my poor inflamed butt. It seems as if I already spend an inordinate amount of time cleansing, massaging, lotioning, creaming, singing lullabies to my anus. 

    But it's so much better just knowing I'm still NED.

    Thanks, dears, for listening to me!

    Hugs all round

    Suz

  • Suz, I'm thrilled to bits for you, that's the BEST news!

    When you find something to help your skin, please let me know, I'm desperate, my poor bum doesn't like me sitting for more than 2 Hours!

    Yeah, paper bags are the way forward!

    You can relax now, enjoy your day,

    Hugs,

    Moira xx

  • Yippee that's fantastic news Suz Tada

    So glad they rang you and you didn't have the dreaded long wait till June. Sorry about the butt pain but at least the worry is over.

    Well you could have kept quiet about the photo being from ten years ago i had spotted the photo and thought wow your hair has grown so quickly and how beautiful you are looking Grinning ️ 

    Love you with short hair too! Oh and witter all you want we are always here to listen to you!

    Celebrate your good news 

    Love and a big hug Carole xx