Wittering

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First off, you Brits have the best expressions. Wittering is exactly what I've been doing.

It's now been almost 2 weeks since the EUA I moaned about. It's been pretty much as I expected—a day or two of feeling surprisingly great, a lot of bleeding which thankfully soon stopped, then a few really nasty days after the surgical numbing wore off and the nerves woke up. Nothing but an opiate would do for that. A lot of days of lots of discomfort but a little easier to control. Today's my first day really out in the world, off to vote in the primaries and make the long drive to visit my granddaughter. 

Before the EUA my lovely doctor emphasized to me that it was likely to be easier than the last one and that she had no intentions of taking biopsies unless she 'saw something.' 

Well, when I woke up, still thankfully in a fog, she told me she took THREE biopsies as the area wasn't as smooth as she had hoped.

I'm not freaking out. I haven't had a 'smooth' anus ring in many a long year, due (I assume) to hemorrhoids. But I'm worried. And not just because biopsies hurt.

My follow-up appointment isn't until mid-June. I called her office yesterday and requested that someone call me as soon as the results are available. I don't want to jitter for that long. Hoped they'd have showed up in my patient portal, as often happens, but the very fact that I've heard nothing yet also ups the anxiety.

On a different but related topic, it's interesting to me how much the whole Anal Cancer Ordeal has showed up in my face. For most of my life I was dreadfully uncaring about skin care, tanning hard every summer and not moisturizing enough, so a deeply fissured face is only natural. But I've noticed it's really accelerated over the Cancer Years. The face recognition on my phone and Ipad don't know me any more!

I ain't mad. I've earned every groove and crack. I'm not developing the soft, welcoming old face with lots of smile lines that I'd anticipated.

It's much more Scary Crone. which suits me better anyway. 

  • Great news and must be such a relief for you. With the sore skin can I suggest possibly finding a aromatherapist who make up oils to suit your skin and help with making it more supple in that area. I know they say it will never be the same after radiotherapy but I used to work in a special needs and we had a child who had severe burns whose mother did away with the traditional creams and a aromatherapist made up a lovely oil which I had to rub in his skin if he had been swimming and his parents said they thought he was more comfortable with his skin. 

    Very pleased for you.

    Julie

  • Suz

    That is absolutely wonderful news - now go away for your weekend and relax!

    Irene xx

  • Hi Suz ( ),

    I’m so sorry to read you’ve been going through this in my absence!  If ever there’s a safe space for anyone to have a witter, whinge or do a bit of rabbiting on its here that’s for sure. 

    The wait for results be it scans or in your case now biopsy results never gets any easier does it? Keep chasing your results up, I think I would literally go insane waiting another month! 

    I too feel my brush with the big ‘C’ has aged me, I’m not sure  if it’s me looking at myself differently or harder or if it has actually aged me! Having said that I’m 6 years older now than I was at diagnosis & approaching 60 next birthday so I am going to look older aren’t I? I’ve not been the most proactive with skincare in my younger years but try to keep up a cleansing & moisturising regime & try to stick to ‘clean’ beauty products including make-up. My 22yr old daughter has looked after her skin from being young & even in our dismal British winters always wears an SPF on her face!  Like I say I wasn’t the best with skincare years ago but your experience with rubbing alcohol made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up but at the same time chuckle at the thought of you cutting out the middle man’. 

    Anyway Suz I really hope you get good news & sooner rather than later & you are beautiful, both inside & out. 

    Nicola

  • Thank you Suz-I’m sure it will be a breeze really, and I’m just being a bit of a baby thinking of another surgery. I’ve had these repeated curve balls since early last year with one thing and another but I’m still here, even sometimes still smiling!

    And I have read of your excellent result and couldn’t be more delighted for you. I clench my bum in involuntary sympathy when I read of what you have gone through and still endure-yikes, it’s scary stuff! But you are NED and all is well. This is wonderful news which everyone will be so pleased to share with you. I wish you calmness and soothing thoughts for your poor bum…Heart big hugs for you.

    S️arah xx


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  • I’m not sure how I missed this update Suz before I posted my reply yesterday! Heads not quite back in the game yet obviously! Anyhoo what fantastic news!! I’m over the moon that it’s all good & you can now let go of all of that anxiety. Keep up the self-care & onwards & upwards. 

    Nicola