Please reassure me

Hi Alrightbumdeal, I am eight weeks post treatment from T2. I was pretty rough at five weeks and now although things have got better it’s still hard. I developed a fissure, when, I don’t know but been complaining about excruciating bowel movements all along and being told it happens and take painkillers. Finally went to my GP who said I had a fissure. The mood swings and anxiety is so understandable and you can easily get into a situation of thinking it has not worked. I had a lump and worried myself that the cancer may have come back but was told it wouldn’t happen so soon anyway as you are to near finished treatment. We read on here for signs that every thing will be okay and from what I have read it has a really good success rate. We are still suffering from all the stuff that has been pumped at us and it’s no wonder our bodies don’t feel right. You have taken a big shock and can feel all over the place with your feelings. When you have had a rotten day just accept it and say the next one will be better. Just concentrate on recovery the best you can.  If you have a specific pain you feel is worrying you then you can ring your oncology nurse for advice and reassurance. Try and think positive and be kind to yourself. 

Julie

Hi my dear, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I've been through the same feelings myself. I've had hypnotherapy sessions and still I worried myself sick in the build up to my scan results which wonderfully were clear. Anal cancer is has one of the highest treatment success rates. All cancers are different and they respond differently to different types of treatment. Bowel cancer isn't anal cancer. I had terrible thoughts that a mistake might have been made when I was given the Radiotherapy tattoos and I was getting zapped in the wrong place. Our minds work overtime don't they. If you feel that it's all getting a bit too much have a word with your Doctor. You may have a centre at your hospital where there is hypnotherapy,  counselling and others like mine. Pre scan results are called scansiety and apparently it's something almost everyone in our situation goes through. I was pacing around the house like a wounded animal not knowing what to do with myself in the days before my results and asked the Oncologist about 6 times to repeat the clear results as that wasn't the answer I'd run through my mind a hundred times a day. If you check the posts on our group over the last couple of weeks there have been quite a few recent clear results including my own. Thinking of you lots xxx Marie 

Hi there! 

I think what you are going through is totally normal! The waiting is so hard, our minds do all sorts of things and jump to all sorts of conclusions.

I'm 2 years post treatment and I've had to have quite a lot of psychological counselling to help me with the new found health anxiety. Its improving gradually, but for a while everything that went wrong with me felt it was something terrible. I found that I just didnt trust my body anymore. I had a sty in my eye once after treatment and found myself panicking it was something sinister!!!. As you said as well with the menopause, there's all sorts of things going on!! Its really hard when you've lost that trust but I'm getting there.

There will always be people to compare yourself against and fear the worst, but I take my reassurance from the wonderful ladies on here who are several years on now, who just show us that it is very treatable and it is possible to get through this.

It is still very earlier days for you, it will get easier.

Deb x 

Hello Arightbumdeal

I was diagnosed with anal cancer in 1986 and it recurred in 87 higher in the rectum. In 1989 I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and in 1990 with bone metastases from the original tumour. And here I am 35 years later talking to you. I have written a blog which you will find here on Macmillan, which you might find interesting - or not. It may be too graphic, so if you don't like that sort of thing then leave it alone. It might be enough reassurance just to know I'm surviving after all this time. If you do want to dip into it, the blog is called "Cancer & Me 35 years On". In the meantime try and be positive as other people have said - and visualise the cancer leaving your body. The mind is a powerful tool. Thinking of you, Willo xx

• Arightbumdeal the psychological fallout of a cancer diagnosis, for a lot of people, can be worse than the physical side of things. All your trust and faith in your body and health are diminished. Like you, I was convincing myself the treatment hadn’t worked and also thought I had signs of cancer elsewhere in my body. I found  a lump in my mouth. Prior to my diagnosis I would have just asked my dentist to have a look but went to my doctors in absolute panic. Every time I had a twinge somewhere I rushed to doctor Google. If you feel overwhelmed by this you can ask for support. Others above have mentioned the support they had. I was referred by my Oncologist to an Oncological Psychologist who taught me some coping techniques. Please be reassured that this treatment is powerful stuff and does carry on working for quite some time after treatment. It sometimes happens that  the first scan post treatment shows a residual tumour, which has disappeared by the second scan as the radiation keeps on doing its stuff. This has happened to quite a few people on here. As has been said above, this cancer has a high cure rate, keep reminding yourself of that. We’re all here for you so don’t worry about asking us anything, never apologise for being down, we have all been there and understand. Bev x

Arightbumdeal - Hi I'm a year clear from my tumour and still I have worries, it's as though you don't believe that it's gone.  I also went through the menopause at the same time, so I had lots of hot flushes, sleepless nights etc etc which added to my worries.  I try to remember that of all the cancers, these are the most treatable and have the most success rate, but it's hard as, in your mind, everything brings up the possibility that it could be cancer and it's come back.  For me personally, I am really trying to watch what I eat, and increase my exercise a bit more - I put on so much weight last year!  That is helping me feel better about myself.  Try and find something that makes you feel good, whether it's a hobby or a sport or something else and focus a little bit more on that, the worries will become less it will take time, but remember that you have gone through your treatment with success and that is something to be very proud about, well done you xx