Post treatment anxiety

Hi Arightbumdeal, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this and are feeling so down and anxious. Not long ago I was in exactly the same place as you are now and can empathise with everything that you are going through. You are at the 3 weeks post treatment which for me was the very worst time side effects wise. Going to the loo for both bm and wee was excruciating, some days up to 11 times a day.  Are you using a seltzer bath? It's like a toddler training potty that you put on the toilet, fill with cool water and have a wee it helps with radiation cystitis. You can ask your nursing team for catheter anaesthetic gel and Drapoline. It's mixed 50/50 and you smooth it on all of your sensitive bits..bum and girly bits and it dulls the pain. You might lose more skin over the next couple of weeks but everyone is different but if you do don't worry it's normal. It's important to keep the stools soft so they are easier and less painful to pass but also to not aggravate where the tumour has been treated with Radiotherapy as this can cause bleeding. Take your painkillers regularly, they stay at an even thread and work better if you do. I was told this quite a few times by my nurses. I suffered very badly from stress and anxiety and was given hypnotherapy sessions through my hospital to help me cope and it really helped so maybe that's something you can ask about or even just think about for now. Now the good news....just over a week ago I received the results from my 3 months post treatment scans and they were clear. I still have some side effect issues but I am so very much better and will be back to getting on with my life again. Hold onto that when you feel rubbish because it's your goal, your prize too for all the rotten stuff you've had to go through. If you are really worried about something you can ask here and your nursing team and your own Doctor. I hope this has helped. Xxx Marie 

Hi Arightbumdeal  I see Mecca has already given you some good advice. Just to add, don't worry about the flat stools, the radiotherapy narrows the anal canal (stenosis), this causes your stools to be thinner than they were. The bleeding (unless it is heavy), is also normal, this is due partly to the stenosis and due to the radiated skin being raw and inflamed. I still get blood on the toilet paper from time to time  and I'm two years post-treatment. I would always mention bleeding to your treating team though for reassurance.  

The treatment for anal cancer  (A/C) is very effective and has a high cure rate. Unfortunately, once you've been diagnosed with cancer, you lose all the faith and security you had in your health. Since being diagnosed I have worried about it coming back, each scan comes with anxiety. but this is absolutely natural. My Oncologist referred me to an Oncological Psychologist who advised as to coping techniques designed for getting my anxiety under control. I wonder if you might ask your Oncologist about a referral? 

It may also help to have a chat with your GP to see if they can offer any assistance with the anxiety side of things. There's also lots of meditation videos available online which you may find helpful.  

You can always call the Macmillan Support Services for emotional support. Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week,  it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00  have a look by Clicking here  Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week and it's free to call.

Please always post on here for support and advice, there will always be someone around  to support you.  Bev x

Thanks so much to both of you. It was so cathartic to get my worries down on paper. Feeling a lot better today. I felt that I had gone backwards - but in retrospect, I think I had a bad reaction to my second vaccine, which gave me very bad diarrhoea and caused my skin to get very sore again. I’ve managed 3 bowel movements today with no pain or bleeding, so I’m very pleased. 

will keep you both updated, your replies mean the world to me - THANK YOU xxxx

Thanks Marie, I replied below to both you and 1in500 - appreciate it soooo much xx 

Dear Arightbumdeal , 

Whilst I’m behind you in treatment time (I’m just starting my final cycle). I think you and I are both having a rather bad day. It all seems so insurmountable. I have two little girls both under 10. My husband is working from home and looking after them. I can hardly bear to be around them as I just want to burst into tears. 

My life will never be the same and now neither will theirs. It all feels so unfair and on top of all that is the pain and torture we have to endure physically & mentally. I switch between sobbing my heart out for the life I had to being so angry as life for everyone else carrying on, pain free, no cancer or 5 year wait for them. Every day I lose another little bit of my dignity. I have lost all trust in my body and my health. Friends send messages saying so sorry to hear you’ve got cancer then moan about not being able to go on holiday like that’s the worst thing that can happen. What I’d give to rewind a few months… for that to be my worst problem! 

I think the lovely girls below have given great advice. These feelings are just our natural course to acceptance. It is unfair. We are quite right to be angry , to be sorry for ourselves. We are having to cope with so much. How the hell did we get here? 

Time is what we need. Time to get over the treatment and pain. Time to learn to accept this is just our life now and time to get used to it all and to eventually find acceptance. 

Im glad you feel a bit better. Soon these days will be a distant memory. Sending you a virtual hug. I’m sorry that we are going through this. I’m sorry for all of us here on this forum. But one good thing is we have each other and we can understand because we have been or are going through it. A problem shared… 

M x 

Aww, thank you and you are very welcome. Yes please keep us posted. You can ask us anything, nothing is too embarrassing or taboo. And believe it or not we do have the odd giggle too. I'm so glad you're feeling a little better today xxx Marie