Scared!

Hi Sarah, sorry to have you potentially join the club that no one wants to be in, but I'm so glad you've found your way here. If it is AC, this is the best possible place to get support and advice.

My onset wasn't exactly like yours, but some similarities for sure. Years of pain and discomfort from hemmorhoids and fissures. Didn't know anywhere along the way that HPV was a factor, but it's also not a big surprise, if ya know what I mean. 

I had no less than SEVEN doctors and nurse practitioners see me in the two years before my diagnosis. None of them had a clue. Sailed through hemorrhoid surgery and a colonoscopy with cheerful, 'Nothing more to see here!' outcomes, and one NP who told me rather nastily that they'd 'see me in 20 years' and basically to quit whining and bothering them during Covid.

I finally found a doctor who wouldn't give up, and knocked me out so she could take a biopsy. It sounds like that's pretty much where you are, and I sure hope your doctors listen. If it IS anal cancer, getting to it early naturally give you your best chance.

The time to try to line up help is NOW. You're in a tough position already, being caregiver to parents who have considerable issues already. If there's not friends or family to call upon, lean into your (wonderful) NHS and see what can be done on that end. If you need chemo and radiation you'll want to have your plate as cleared as possible so you can forge through it. Persevere! What your parents do if they didn't have you?

Do that.

And keep coming here. We got your back.

Hugs

Suz

Hi Suz, thank you for your reply, I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed and alone at the moment so appreciate you taking the time to reply. I just don’t know how my parents are going to cope and I’m just so scared to go through treatment without anyone by my side to help and support me. I do have friends but they all have their own life’s/families and can just tell they are not going to be much support apart from the odd text asking how I’m doing. I just feel convinced there is nothing else it can be and have a million things running through me mind.

I hope you are doing ok with your treatment/recovery. Im sure you are going to find me here a lot more in the coming weeks

Sarah x

Hi Sarah it’s a scary time when you don’t know exactly what’s going on, I feel for you.  As Suz said you do need to prepare for the treatment if it’s chemo radiation.  For me the really tough times were two weeks before the end of it and two weeks after.  I was quite stubborn and refused help in the beginning, I would advise you as soon as someone says can I do anything jump on it and say yes! 
Come back and let us know how you go on, there are lots of tips and tricks that I and many others on here can pass on to make the side effects a little more tolerable.  Also don’t ever be afraid to ask us or the professionals any thing that’s bothering you…no question is a silly one!!

Sending love and light ️xx

Hi Sarah80,

Firstly I’d like to welcome you to the Macmillan online community although I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through right now. 

My anal cancer presented as an external polyp & what was thought to be, on examination by a member of the lower colon team at my local hospital, an internal ulcer. There was a lump but strangely it was only there for a couple of days then disappeared!

I think possibly whether the Dr’s today refer you for biopsy (I hope they do) or not the sigmoidoscopy will probably still need doing. I had one booked but then the senior colorectal surgeon at my local hospital decided to remove the polyp & repair the ulcer sooner rather than later  which when he actually went to do this he decided to biopsy me instead (I think he knew there was a chance it was anal cancer but didn’t let on to me!) he did the flexible sigmoidoscopy while he biopsied me under general anaesthetic, the sigmoidoscopy results were clear but via results of my my biopsy 7 days later I had my diagnosis. Thankfully I was diagnosed very early thanks to a very vigilant, young locum GP (my first port of call) & the lower colon team I’ve spoken about. If you click on my username you can read a little more of my story there. I’m now a little over 4 years post treatment & doing well (cancer free to date). 

I don’t want to jump the gun & this in no way means I think you will have a diagnosis of anal cancer but I realise from you post it’s a major concern for you, regarding  support should you find yourself getting s diagnosis, if you find you can’t or don’t want to tell friends etc., please speak with either your GP or the specialist nurses at your hospital & they can advise you on the support that is out there for you, there are different services in different areas, likewise with getting extra support with your parents should you require treatment as it’s going to be 5-7 weeks where you’ll really need time for you. Macmillan also have their helpline you can ring for advice on practical & emotional support you can access & of course we’re here too, we’re a seasoned, friendly bunch who have all been where you are now so we truly understand the way you’re feeling so please don’t be afraid to reach out for support should you need us. 

I really hope your appointment today gives you a little more clarity & hopefully you’ll receive some concrete answers to what’s going on very soon. Let us know how it goes today if you feel up to it. 

Sending healing thoughts your way. 

Nicola

Hi ivymay, thank you for your advice and support 

Sarah 

Hi Nikki

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately as you said I was told that they do need to carry out the sigmoidoscopy. They said they can take biopsies (but this is only a small clinic that the NHS use and they only use sedation not anaesthetic so not sure how reliable that will be) But I guess I just have to follow the process and I’ve been booked to go back next week.

My lump sound similar to yours and feels like it is coming from some sort of ulcer/fissure. I just don’t see what else it can be (I didn’t think you could have an anal polyp). It did push back in when I was examined at A&E last week but popped back out after a bowel movement. Was yours quite solid too?

Sarah  

Hi again Sarah (Sarah80),

Regarding sedation, bit of a different situation I know but I get cortisone injections in my feet for my arthritis & the orthopaedic surgeon that does them for me puts the cortisone right down in the middle of my joints so you can imagine the size of the needle! He does this under sedation & I don’t recall a thing until I’m in recovery, hopefully you’ll be the same. 

The polyp I had was external (kind of between my bum cheeks not right on the anal verge but quite close) it had been there for some time & was just like a skin tag then Christmas 2017 it bled a little when I wiped after going to the loo, this happened again early January & when I checked it had changed shape (kind of mushroomed) it was then that I took myself of to the GP & the rest is history so they say! 

My lump felt quite solid when it was there but as I say that was only for a couple of days then it seemed to disappear & never returned, I had already been referred to the lower colon team by my GP by this time & the lump had appeared then disappeared between seeing the GP & going to the hospital. 

Nicola 

Hi Nikki 

Thanks for your reply. I must admit I forgot to mention on top of the lump, I also have a skin tag, I thought it was a sentinel pile so wasn’t initially  too worried about that and thought it was just from a bad bout of constipation, but perhaps it is connected. The lump is coming out from the inside. I can’t tell how far up it’s coming from. I’d say it’s a good couple of cm’s in size and in the last week it has started to leak a bit of discharge. I’m praying for a miracle, but I don’t think it’s looking good

Sarah 

Hi sarah, I can’t comment on the lump as my presentation was very different.

regarding the sigmoidoscopy, I had a colonoscopy done with just sedation and whilst it’s not the nicest I got through it and had no after affects/pain. 

I’d have it with just sedation again rather than hang around to recover from anaesthetic. 

I hope this doesn’t turn out to be anal cancer, but if it does, just know the support and Guidance here is amazing. Best of luck, 

kerrie

Hi Kerrie thank you for replying. I just think the lump is too big to remove with sedation only but we will see. The only comfort from all of this is that there appears to be good support here if I need it.

Sarah