Hubby & I have been together over 36 years. Cancer joined us 11 years ago in the form of kidney cancer, (metastatic) & on top 8 years ago, MDS, (watch & wait).
He's had right kidney removed, liver resection, gall bladder removed, (causing high amounts of acid reflux), 2 large pizza wedges from right lung. Radiotherapy last year & attempted chemo afterwards which couldn't be tolerated.
Slow gastric emptying & side effects from long term use of anti acids.
On top of this hubby suffers greatly with fatigue which no-one seems able to decide what causes this.
I try to support hubby 100%. Secretary, organiser, medication administrator, driver, entertainments manager, 'sorry we can't now come' manager, trouble shooter.
Oh & sometimes wife.
I love my hubby to bits, as gorgeous as when I first met him. I tell him this often, probably most days.
I even find all his scars sexy.
But I feel like a broken record saying I still need touch, physicality. Obviously not to the same extent as pre-cancer.
I understand he's in pain, uncomfortable, suffers with acid reflux. Fatigue knocks him off his feet.
I'm still here, his wife of 36 years, 9 years younger than him.
We tell each other daily we love one another.
But I still have needs, I still want to be touched, told I look good, attractive, sexy, desired.
Not be rejected when I make an approach, by a roll of the eyes or a facial expression.
We tried a herbal version of Viagra but didn't help. We talked about getting the proper Viagra but that has to be done by him with the pharmacist or GP. But that was over a year ago & tho I've been subtle in prompting the subject, nothing moved forward.
He's only got to speak to the pharmacist/GP & fill in a form.
I'm still a woman with physical needs! Not yet 60!
I have a hubby I adore & want.
I get lonely, feel like hubby doesn't want me anymore. Doesn't fancy me. I can't even watch a loving/sexy scene that falls within a film or series as it makes me feel jealous.
I find more recently I'm in tears about it. But then I feel so selfish. What right have I got to ask or expect this, when he has to fight to stay alive.
He didn't ask for cancer(s). He didn't ask to be put thru all the operations, Radiotherapy, pain & Fatigue.
I still need to be needed 
I'm obviously a very selfish person who should be grateful. I'm in a good marriage with a wonderful hubby.
For goodness sake, stop whinging & go & read a book!!!!
