Toxic positivity post on newsletter

Hello Husband not saint 

Wow, 9 years, that some journey and I am so sorry for what you are facing. This is a great place to be open and honest about your feelings and I can understand just where you are at. Life with a cancer patient isn't easy - I should know I am the one with cancer.

You and the remaining daughter are amazing. It's so hard putting up with us as cancer affects us and it transforms a loved one into a different person - I have gone through that myself when I knew had my "dark times" and resisted everyone's help.

I have lost what I thought were very good friends because I had cancer - it's ignorance, it's not a cold, I can't give it to them. Looking after your wife for 9 years has taken it out of you - please do call the support line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) and see what they can do for you - they are a great bunch and they understand!

Keep up the good work - if I can do anything else for you please let me know.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi brian, just wanted to rant, i'm ok. The post and comments on tox pos just touched a nerve and l didnt want to carry that around with me. 

Some days are better than others, forty years ago a walked my father down this path, now its my wife. I know the path well, its just as my handle says, im a husband, not a saint, not a carer, im a man losing bit by bit the woman l married. Dont want to be a carer, l just want a normal hubby/wife 23 years in to our relationship. Thats the hard bit.

Im alive and kicking and full of positivity and my love is dying, asleep and suffering winding down to death.

Hard going

Hello Husband not saint 

That's just what this safe space is for - having a rant and not hurting the ones you love. You can say how you truly feel, shut the door and walk away.

None of us are saints and I for one am not a born carer and I am so sorry this is the second time you have walked this path. You sound like a great guy and a loving husband - just what all us blokes wish to be!!

I will keep it short so if there is anything I or Macmillan can do for you please do let us know - the Support Line is there for you on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) - Do please give them a call.

Best wishes - Brian.

This is so familiar. 12 years of this never ending saga when folk commend you for living so long (which raises issues about survivorship guilt) but after all this time an inertia sets in: its old news for my family and they have lives to lead.

My actual massive gripe is about support, co-incidentally. When first diagnosed in 2013,wasnt there meant to be a nurse or someone who could be there for me at least once every decade?

Hyperbole aside, there was nobody except my inner family who had no idea how to support effectively. Well, there was a nurse who did nothing. Wont give her name here but uselessness was her bag. Dreadful waste of skin and hopefully she left nursing and emigrated to the Arctic.

I empathise with HnS and Millibob. Which diesnt really help. But I empathise with both of your plights all the same.

Hello Billy S 

Cracking tune : Hit me with your Rhythm Stick. I love the way the "old music" sticks with us and this new "boom boom shake the room" music is gone tomorrow.

Thank you for your post. it's great you are still here 12 yeas on - support has changed in the past 12 years and hopefully if you need any support you can find it. I know for my own journey I have two named CNS nurses along with a telephone number that gets answered.

I always say that cancer is a "bond" - if you've not got it you won't understand - and don't even try!!

Stay safe and if I or Macmillan can do anything for you just let us know.

Best wishes - Brian.

This made me smile. 

But youre right about the cancer bond. Spot on. 

Very best wishes.