I’m back again to vent.
I finished my last chemo a week ago. Haven't celebrated because it’s been a horrible recovery week and it also doesn’t really feel like it’s over since I still have surgery and immunotherapy to go.
Every time I’ve had the EC it manages to break me down to rock bottom. I feel awful and angry and irritable all the time.
I want to vent but I can’t talk to my parents for ‘risk of biting the hand that feeds me’. When I do try, any complaint is met with defensiveness. I can’t speak freely without fear of upsetting or offending others. I want reassurance and sympathy but when I complain it triggers the ‘misery olympics’ and I’m pressured to admit it’s been a tough time for everyone not just me, or I’m reminded of all the things I should actually be grateful for. My parents get defensive and I don’t then have the energy's to give reassurance back. Every time I try to explain it just gets worse and worse so I really don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. Feel like I’m going insane trapped at home with no other interaction. I’m going away tomorrow on a break but it feels like an eternity to wait and I can’t even get through one day without arguments.
Hi DancingTulip Thanks for putting your feelings down - it takes courage sometimes just to express how you really feel and it's better out than in. It's also better not to "rock the boat". at home. There's one thing about cancer that "bonds" us all together and I think the only people who understand us are fellow cancer sufferers who "Get it".
Look on the bright side - you have completed your Chemotherapy, and tomorrow you are off on holiday - you can try and forget your woes for a while and I hope wherever you are going and whatever you are doing you have a fantastic time.
Remember, you have your family at home - BUT there's always your Macmillan family here for you any time you want to rant, rave or even heap praise on someone or something - there's someone here for you 24/7.
Have a great break and come back refreshed.
Best wishes - Brian.
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