I just need to vent my frustrations and anger. I’m 25, I have breast cancer, and it’s torpedoed my life.
I’ve had to move back in with my parents whilst I have treatment and it’s frustrating putting everything on hold whilst others my age are out building their lives. Even once I finish treatment I’ll just be back where I started: with no money, no where to live and a minimum wage job, whilst my friends have progressed in their careers. My cancer diagnosis has put stress on all my family and my parents bicker constantly. My parents and grandparents look so much older and more frail.
The chemotherapy has been awful and I’ve felt the lowest I’ve ever been in my life. I feel sick all the time which only goes away when I eat and so I’ve put on weight. Food is the only variety I have in the monotonous recovery days. I feel so ugly. I’ve already lost my hair and with surgery in a few months I’ll be loosing my breast too. So far everything I’ve suffered has been reversible; my hair should grow back and I can lose weight through exercise but I’m scared for the mastectomy because the scars will be permanent.
I’m so close to finishing chemo but the treatment still feels never ending. Even after surgery I’ll need to continue immunotherapy so I can’t get back to my life.
Despite everything I feel like I can’t really complain because others get cancer at a younger age, or have worse prognosis. I know I’m more attended to the news now but it feels like everyone is getting cancer. I’m more anxious now about bad things happening to my loved ones and I currently feel like I’m just living by distracting myself from the next traumatic event or loss.
It’s good to vent from time to time as it helps unpack some of the ‘stuff’ that is building up in the invisible rusk-sack that was put on your back on the day you were diagnosed……
