Just sleep!

I have been told yes breast cancer is there but i know nothing else. I just want to sleep. But I cant. I know that thinking and searching the internet wont help. But i cant get back to sleep. Im so tired but my head races every night plus i have terrible mucous sitting in my chest so im taking this is a secondary cancer and going through the dread of what diagnosis will be. I know its not going to be good. I didnt find the lump. I went to discuss my mucous build up and cough for the last 3 months. Omeprazole was given but breast lump found by doctor. The lump is about 2.8cm. I know Im dying. I feel it. I just cant process it. My children will be so devastated. My parents have already had the bombshell but are stressing hope is important. To wait until Thursdays meeting to know what were dealing with. But I know already, I do know, Im not stupid, I lmow my body and am trying to tell them to prepare for the worst but they wont hear it. Be positive, theres always hope. Thats what they say. Theres got to be hope. But no there isnt. I lnow there isnt. And i cant sleep. So everything is worse. My husband is stong for me but silent and not coping with my outpourings. My mum is taking the brunt of my thoughts but this is damaging her. Long post sorty but Im in turmoil and need to get it out. Ive been awake for an hour and a half now. I get to sleep but awaken at 1am ish and then it starts. Geez youd think that there would be a switch to sleep just to conserve your energy but nope.