I want to dump this somewhere as it has been bugging me.
In 2017 I had womb cancer. I live alone and after surgery I was very weak and had been pre-warned that I would need help at home. Some of my female friends, on their own initiative, kindly organised themselves into a rota of visiting and staying overnight so that for the first couple of weeks I was never alone for more than a day or two, and someone was there to shop and cook. I was very grateful and told them so. After that spell I was able to look after myself and gradually recovered well. I remain well.
Now, 2023: a 3rd party known to us is married to a man who got cancer. Sadly, her previous partner died of cancer. Idly chatting about this in the group (those helpful friends and me) 2 of the friends made remarks such as "fancy her having to go through all that again" while excluding me from the conversation. They evidently wanted to discuss it carer-to-carer. I felt like saying "Well it's not so great for the patient either" but couldn't quite get it out.
This happened weeks ago and the good news is that the unfortunate husband responded well to treatment. But I am left with a sick feeling about my friends' attitudes to cancer patients, and the underlying feeling that they see me as something less than them. Not quite human, or maybe not a grownup, although we are the same age. Is that because they looked after me (oh she's a bit useless these days)? Or is that WHY they looked after me (our useless mate can't cope)? or was it virtue-signalling (I am virtuously helping my useless mate who had cancer)? Some have experience of cancer in the family, even as a carer, but none have had it themselves.
Another recent occasion: I mentioned I was meeting with hospital chums, which was met with a puzzled question - how did I meet them? So I replied: from when I had cancer. Shocked reaction. I am hurt that those close to me have forgotten what happened to me just a few years ago, and it seems I am not allowed to mention it.
There have been a few things like this. As if I am not allowed to admit my own history. I don't know how to broach the subject. I fear that I will be seen as over-reacting or self-obsessed, and will be shut down if I start a conversation about it. I've known these folks for most of my life but sadly I no longer trust them.
Rant over for now. Any thoughts?
I have no experience of this ever happening to me or being a problem to my family or friends over my 24 years with my incurable cancer journey, but let's look for those who have experience to pick up on your post.
But well done dumping all these thoughts in this corner of the community as sometimes just saying things out loud (or in text) can help see things more clearly.
((hugs))
