Feeling sad

Woke up yesterday morning to my 69th birthday. Decided I was gonna have just a lazy day doing nothing. I love my alone time in a morning, nice cuppa, no hubby or our 12 year old grandson (who we have custody of). Then that wave came!! This could be my last birthday.  My happy mood slowly started to shift away. I hated it. I heard my baby boy (grandson) coming down the stairs singing 'happy birthday to mama', he's never called me nana since he was 7 years old. Thank God he is here! I knew, if anyone could get me past this it was my 'bubble'. Did he, yes he did. I hope that feeling doesn’t become a habit because it was so scary. Even the phone call from the hospital to say I had an appointment next week with the oncologist didn't stress me. Today is a normal day. Love and laughter all round. No mention of the 'c' word. Might all change next week but, for now, I'm still me, fit and healthy in my own mind. I can't think about the other. Not yet. Just the thought of leaving my family is to much. I have to  detach myself from that or my days would be unbearable.  Happy faces, love and laughter all round will do me