I know this is a me me rant, but I've no one else to let steam off to.
Sorry
Five days ago my beautiful darling wife was stolen from her grandchildren, her children and her husband of 30 years by the satanic curse of cancer.
I am struggling to come to terms with the soul sucking emptiness. My children have their partners, which I am pleased for.
But me? I’ve found I’ve got no one to say how my day went. For the first time in 60+ years I had a double your egg. Stupid, but I had no one to say “look, wow” to.
I face a plethora of decisions that a few months ago would have been joint. My wife would have pointed out my idiocy, or supported me.
She doesn’t walk into the room, but I cant except she won’t. I’m looking at the empty doorway, but she never appears.
I am not wailing and weeping 24/7, but speaking about her does bring the tears. I feel guilty I’m not tearing & rendering my clothes to rags as I sink to my knees wailing.
But it’s the emptiness that’s overwhelming. The feeling as if someone has reached into my soul with a ladel and scoped half of it away.....
How do those facing the second curse of cancer, ‘left-behind’ survive.
How do you survive the emptiness?
Thinking of you an sending some hugs your way. 
gail
