My darling wife struggles on, living, but not existing. Her mind wrapped in a cocoon of drugs, and her body being consumed by the stage 3 cancer.
As hard as it is, I wish she could be freed from this non-existence. To quietly slip away and be free. There is no god, so there is no heaven awaiting her, but if anyone was worthy of being an angel, it is my darling wife.
To slip away would merely release her from a non-existence and bring to those left behind, the true meaning of hell.
My children have their partners to support them, but I know at 02:00 in the darkness of the Night and of my broken heart I have only me (& my wife’s true love, her dogs).
My remaining years look unbearable an never more have I wished them to be blessedly short. No reunion awaits me, but a release from a hell of loneliness does.
The bedside waits me, and once more each pause between her laboured breaths will be a purgatory of ‘is now the moment’.
Thinking of you and sending some hugs your way.
gail
