Tired, in pain and feeling very sorry for myself

Hi Artsie sending hugs. 

Thanks Gail

Thats so appreciated. I’ve lost my mojo that’s all and I’d be helped if I began to feel better but sadly I’m not. I think it’s nerve damage repairing. It’s painful and I’m a moana 

Thanks to this thread it’s out and I will try and pick myself up tomorrow 

Sending you a hug too xx

I’m sending a big soft hug Ann and hoping you are feeling a bit better today. I’ve got to pick myself up this morning and give myself a shake as I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself too and I don’t like feeling like that! Too much happening all at once with no clear path out, so I’m off to put the radio on and try and get motivated! It’s good to get these feelings out- I hope that helps you too. 

Sarah xx

Thanks Sarah 

I'm sending you a hug back and hoping you have a good day today be kind to you Sarah you have a lot going on 

We had a little sun today and sat outside with a hot chocolate now that hit the spot. 
We definitely need some sun. It’s been to long 

Ann xxxx

That’s given me an idea for tomorrow Ann! Bought some hot chocolate on Sunday and some mini marshmallows so I could make a nice drink. Wish I had remembered to get squirty cream, but you can’t have everything! 

Sarah xx

Hello my lovely, we have to wallow sometimes.  It's an indulgence for all of us with cancer I believe.  You poor love in so much pain.  If it's nerve related there are many more specific drugs than codiene which can certainly constipate you!  See your GP!

It does seem unfair when you've been through so much.  By the way what is VATS ?  

As the others say chocolate is always nice, as part payment for my gardening a cafe I chose an £8 big bag of dark hot chocolate mix as my treat.  I also buy frozen raspberries from Tesco and get some out to mix with my gin most days. Pre Christmas I cooked up smallish bottles of the stuff for friends presents plus sloe gin and blackberry gin.  

I know you know paints, have you ever tried these new pens with two ends? They are watercolors, one end is a normal felt tip end and the other is like a paint brush. My daughter got me a set for my birthday but I've not dared use them yet, saving them for something special but...as we know it's best to use them now!  She also got me four crystal tumblers(for the gin) with beautiful Charles Rennie Mackintosh etchings on them and tonight she told me off for not using them!  

Have you something out aside for later in the house? Shoul you get it out now and use it/ play it/ read it/ paint it/eat it/ cook it/ visit it?  

Sendin you much love and gentle hugs xxxx

Hi there Allotment lover

It’s so lovely to hear from you. The raspberry gin sounds wonderful I’ve stayed away from the real stuff just having a little red wine at the mo. But it’s definitely my aim. I will let you know when the raspberries are in my shopping basket with gin. I’ve never tried sloe gin. I’ve got the tree too. I’ve got some lovely VB water globe type glasses, my brother has them in Spain and when I got home I treated myself. He fills bottom of glass with ice cover in gin add lemon or lime top up with fever tree though I like lemonade 

The VATS is Video-assisted thoracic surgery (VATS) is a type of minimally invasive thoracic surgery that can remove parts of the diseased lung and lymph nodes. In video-assisted thoracoscopic surgery (VATS), a small tube called a thoracoscope is inserted through a small cut (incision) between the ribs

Yes sound less invasive on outside but inside it’s painful. But the two cancers I had are out with clear margins so I know I should be happy. Yes I’m relieved but second time around and different primary has just made me think. Dodge one bullet to get another close to my heart. That’s why I ended up in intensive care. 
I am improving although I am sleeping loads but I’ve noticed I’m moving quicker without gasping. I’ll get there 

The pens, open and use. I had them when I did graphics they’re brilliant. Mine are probably dried out now.
I stopped art club when I had bowel cancer but my studio was still there. Then Joe was diagnosed with PD and best way is exercise especially a treadmill because if you try and do the parky shuffle on that it’ll fire you off. 
we got a second hand one it weighed a ton but our lovely girl and partner got it upstairs. You would never know Joe has Parkinson’s. He’s upright and swings his arms. He’s amazing. Sadly my arts just abandoned. I’ve no interest 

I am looking forward to sitting in the fresh air with a little sun. Hopefully some Spring sunshine will grace us all some 

Sending you a gentle hug back 

Much love xxxx

Ann I too am longing for the consistent warmth of real spring, just sit in my rocking chair in front of my shed( summerhouse) and gaze at my flower garden.  I'll put up photos when more of the flowers do their thing! 

As a nurse I love your phrase 'the parky shuffle'. It sounds exactly like what it is. Mmm as a grammarian that's called ? Alliteration? 

I'm glad your husband is still swinging arms and moving well, it's a large part of the battle with parkys I know. 

Pick your sloes in autumn, used to be after the first frost but nowadays just pick them when they look ripeish. Freeze them flat on a tray then put them into bags( so they don't stick together). Buy your gin, feed the sloes into the wideish necked bottles frozen(freezing saves the tedious job of pricking each one!). Shake gently, store upright, weekly just tip the bottles up and down a few times. Do that for a few weeks then just once a month. I try to leave mine for 3 months to turn into a rich syrup. Sieve the sloes out, use as a mixer or sip on its own. ** Do add sugar to the fruit and gin concoction for at least 3 weeks before drinking it if you plan to sip it neat. I left sugar out of all of my mixes this year as I know the tonic or lemonade adds enough sweetness. 

I wish you some time with no further pain or nasty bits appearing lovely lady.  It must be so debilitating to constantly face treatments/symptoms when you just want to put it all behind you.  Rest lots, wrap up really warm and be under a blanket with a hot water bottle or wheatbag in a deckchair outside for now (don't forget your hat as it'll keep lots of heat in) in whatever but of sunshine comes your way.   Could you be a little clinically depressed do you think?  As regards physical health are your bloods ok and are you able to eat well too?  

Today I've enjoyed my usual breakfast at my cafe plus have loved many dogs and got to grips with the weekend "I" newspaper.  Last week I helped out cleaning our local museum here on our island. We have a fabulous exhibition of goodies from The Earl of Abbagevenny (spelling??) Which ran aground in Dead Man's Cove here, such treasures!  

Much love to you xxxx

What a wonderful message. Thank you Allotment lover. You have a warmth that has lifted me. I have just woken after a lovely nap. 
The Parky Shuffle is something that I feel is a kinder way of describing that horrible disease. I remember so well when having my tests 2021 Joes feet dragging the floor and shuffling. His posture changed completely and September six weeks after my op he had his diagnosis. Once he knew for sure our son sent him exercises etc. he’s a radiographer in Ireland and has lots of medic contacts. You would not believe how quickly his posture and gait changed. Then Christmas I bought him an introduction to PD Warriors which was a ten weeks course after which he then joined a gym to do his warriors twice a week. He exercises every day. He’s amazing 

That’s how we are and I think that you’re right I am depressed because the op wasn’t the quick fix I thought, the critical care was a shock and I’m not bouncing back. Yes I’m sorry for self 

I went to have the wound checked yesterday and the nurse said to see the doctor and I said I’ve not seen one of those since Covid!! She took me in and I saw my old GP he’s a sweet gent he checked me over and has given me antibiotics if my temp raises and I’m ill he’s advised I take them

 So far so good they’re still in the box 

Wow. You live on an island that sounds so romantic. Dead Man’s Cove I have never been. I may have to plan some trips on the summer 

Thank you for the recipe for sloe gin. I may buy them frozen. I know it’s a cheat ha ha I like the idea of making it but picking the things may be too much effort. Ha ha. See I am not myself 

much love Ann 

Ha ha

Well guess what?

Thirty years ago I had a car accident long story short I had a lump in my right boob that was cleared but could have been removed!

I said it’s fine 

No it’s now an abscess so I’m an emergency appointment tomorrow at hospital for it to be drained 

I can not believe this !