Mad

I’m (26f) mad. I’m so mad. I can’t think straight and I’m just so angry

my mum (57) went into hospital on Monday, got diagnosed with bowel tumour with lesions in the liver that was blocking the bile and causing jaundice and kept in for tests. Told her last night, on her own, that there was nothing they could do. The liver isn’t strong enough for chemo. The tumour isn’t even the problem. They can’t sort the liver cos they can’t drain cos the lesions are in multiple places blocking too many ducts. They can’t sort the liver so they can’t start chemo to shrink the tumour for surgery. So there’s nothing they could do. They did no tests over those four days just blood work

they told her this last night. On her own. Just after my grandparents left. Everything they’ve told her, from diagnosis to this piece of shit has been on her own

she had no symptoms. Until the jaundice came we thought she just had a virus or the flu like the whole family had but it went from this to a fucking death sentence within less than a week

im so mad. I don’t understand how they can’t do anything. That they’re just going to send her home to die. My sisters (29) is getting married. She has three kids ones just a baby and I don’t understand how everything can go so wrong so quickly  we were planning weddings and christenings and we’re now planning end of life care and I can’t stand it

im thinking anything and everything all the time  I don’t know what to do it could be weeks it could be months I’m scared to look I don’t want to know I feel cold and numb and then I feel sick I’m so tired already and I don’t know what to say

i cant live without her