Hello everyone and I hope you are having a peaceful day today, even if you are a patient yourself, or a carer.
My father has been diagnosed with gallbladder adenocarcinoma. I've been trying to digest the fact that he is suffering from an incurable
disease, since his age and his general condition (cachexia) make a clean up surgery to the liver and to the nearby lymph nodes impossible.
Due to my closest family members holding a standoffish stance, I have been the only one escorting to ultrasounds, blood tests, MRIs, doctor
appointments, and now staying with him at the village, so I can be sure that this month he will be taking his steroids in the right way and constantly,
so he can be ready for his first chemo in September. Now, what is the problem? The problem is there are criticizers, that think I am overeacting to his
symptoms, that he is in better condition that I think, that we are not really counting the time, etc. On top of it, my phone was constantly ringing by the
same people, who wanted to know what is going on. And I was answering, and I was trying to downplay my feelings, my pain, my everything, and
give the news reports every other day. Well, I am tired. I am tired of having the task to give to news report, as the constant explaining and repetitions
of symptoms and all was really getting me so down. I even was told by a relative that she was expecting me to be "more mature" dealing with my
father's diagnosis.
And then BANG! It hit me. I have a right to all my goddamn feelings, I have a right to my anxiety, I have a right to my pain, I have a right to my agony,
I have a bloody right to my panic even! And I closed the lousy cellphone. If someone wants to know how my father is, she or he can take his lousy lazy
ass and come visit him. If they want to know how he is feeling today, they can phone him and ask!
And now I can be more focused to the tasks in front of me, taking care of my loved one, without being criticized on top of it, and create even more great
moments with him, help him deal with the situation, help him remain positive and his spirit high and make sure that he gets the best of the best for the
rest of his days.
Thank you to everyone who read that, my very best wishes to you all for strength and love and cure and courage. Stay strong, much love to you all! xx
