Feeling so selfish!

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I've never really known anyone with cancer - I mean the actual impact on close friends and family. Now I find myself facing the prospect of losing someone I love. My problem is that I feel like I'm not "allowed" to grieve because we're not married anymore. My ex-husband and I are still very close, even though we both have partners now. He phoned me with his diagnosis before he told his girlfriend and I had to tell my son about his dad.

My issue is that we can't see him in hospital - only his girlfriend is allowed because of COVID rules - and my anger is choking me. We've known each other 25 years and talk every day, but his girlfriend is getting all the emotional support. I've never had an issue with her before - she's nice - but now I just want to scream and tell her to leave him alone. I SHOULD BE THERE; NOT HER!!!

I realise I'm irrational and selfish but it's how I feel. I hope it passes soon because my shame and guilt at feeling like this is awful. I really want him to have support through his treatment, even if it means excluding me, but my heart is hurting.

tvman over 3 years ago

Hi ScoobyOoby, I've read your post and my heart bleeds for you. What a position you're in. Your situation resonates with me because I was in hospital recently and although it was for less than a fortnight there was a very close friend that my wife doesn't know about and I would have loved to have been visited by and she would have dearly loved to have visited me.

I wonder if the MacMillan helpline could help you, I'm sure that someone there would have come across across your plight before or at least could contact another person who has been.

The number to ring is ‪0808 808 0000‬. It's open 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm. I wish you luck. I'd love to know if you have been successful. I'm going to send you a friend request so if you don't want to put anything on site in full view for everyone to ring.

Tvman x

PS I tried to request a friend but you haven't filled in your profile ( I think that's why) but you can send me a friendship request or send me a direct message.

Tvman x

Love life and family.

ScoobyOoby over 3 years ago in reply to tvman

Thank you, tvman. I'm still new to this forum and hadn't filled in my profile. I've sent you a friend request

gazcata over 3 years ago

Hey there ScoobyOoby. Welcome to the world's worst roller coaster ride. Of course you allowed to grieve. You may not be married anymore, but this man is the father of your child and you have been in each other's lives for 25 years. That's a long time. You can get emotional support too. I'm sure Macmillan would be happy to talk to you, or does your hospital have a Maggie's centre attached. They would not turn you away either. You need support at this time too, after all you have to support your son through this. Would the girlfriend agree to you and your son visiting if the hospital would agree to let you visit instead of her now and again

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Feeling so selfish!