Venting

FormerMember over 5 years ago

1 reply
14 subscribers
2245 views

My aunt has cancer and on top of being physically ill, she is also financially unstable and an emotional basket case. I am feeling so many things, frustrated, scared, unsure how to help. If I have all these emotions, I'm sure she is feeling torn up as well. No one wants to think "what if today is my last day on earth." Ugh. I buried my mom, her twin, a few years ago after dealing with her sickness and to be honest it's tough being in the caregiver role again. I basically never left it. It's a lot to carry and even on the good days, the stress never really leaves my body. I get angry sometimes that I have to be a container for her emotions and mine. I go to therapy and exercise but still, when I get a call and she is freaked out on the other line, I get all wound up again. I find myself unconsciously eating my emotions, and wanting to take my mind away by watching Netflix for hours on end. Just wanted to vent to some ppl who get it. If anyone has any other recommended coping strategies, I would be glad to hear those. Caregiving is no joke even when the person doesn't live with you. There is no fix. The situation is crappy and I have to be ok with how things are.

NellieJ over 5 years ago

Hello TheRock.

Your situation struck a chord in me as a serial multiple looked afterer.. I feel for you having your aunt after your mother. You asked about coping. I can only talk from my own situation but I wonder sometimes for myself if it isn't about coping better but redefining how much people can expect of me. This is not easy.

I have had to limit how much I can do for : two brothers (one bad and one mad & sleeping on the streets); keep on top of juggling enough with my mother (dementia) while my partner is in last few months of life with cancer.

I had to get to a point of being unable to respond to all their demands to be able to feel comfortable saying I do what I can. I have been indoctrinated well to bring a serial multiple helping person but have been gradually learnig how I put myself in the picture too. Taken a shed load of money spent on therapy though and i still feel some guilt if I put myself first occasionally.

I wonder if there are others in your family or statutory services or vol sector that could help spread the weight of your aunt. or whether she can lean on you less if you are not always there or have a limit . Tough one.

I have never found a person in a caring role who is a bottomless pit of helping. I have been with people who would swallow every ounce of what is offered and ask for more. Drawing a line or boundary is hard, particularly when heaIth, life and safety are at risk. I had to learn that for myself the hard way. I feel for you.

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