Warning, this is a whinging post
maybe my Dad's folder going astray to some other random hospital that we've never been to was a sign?...
We found a shadow on the lung a couple of months ago; had a CT; PET; EBUS; Lung Function test...
Then sat in a waiting room for an hour today to be given the news that he has Cancer. We already knew that....
I forgot to ask about stage, I asked about type and they didn't know, then I glanced at the screen and saw the word squamous...
My mom died 2 years ago from that...
All I know is that the outlook is months rather than years, due to COPD.
whinge part beginning... I'm 47 next month, and feel completely unprepared to be an orphan!
So my Mom was given 6-9 months and that was a complete overstatement, hearing other people's stories I honestly feel blessed that she was in no pain and lasted only 6 weeks from prognosis (she'd had a stroke 18 months prior and her health was poor to say the least)
My Dad is different though, ok, so he has COPD, and a raft of other ailments not uncommon in a 77 year old, but I'm sitting here now completely unable to sleep trying to prepare myself for what is to come, my Dad lives with me, has done for the last 8 months (we were in the process of buying somewhere, but I've got to phone the solicitor tomorrow to pull out of that).
The Dr mentioned that my Dad could have high-dose radiation (I'd always hoped when we first found the shadow that it could be treated with targeted radiation, multiple spots on the PET have ruled that out). My Dad is one of those stoic types, you know, doesn't like to impose, never asks awkward questions. I know that it's incurable, I'm honestly not after any miracles, but I desperately want more than I got with my mom. Gawd I think that sounds selfish...
This post has taken me a while to post, rambling a bit I know, sorry, but I've just got to get this out of my head and I thought that this forum might be the best place (at least the description suggests that).
aaaaaaargh!
Lost and just trying to make sense of it all, quality over quantity, is that the way to go? My dad hasn't expressed anything yet, I guess we'll find out more in the follow up appointment?! He said he was glad that I asked questions, I remember asking loads more at my mom's prognosis, well if feels that way anyhow.
My head is all jumbled up, I guess that's normal.
Trying my best to stay chipper in front of my dad, jeez so freakin' british stiff upper lip shite, not quite sure how I'm going to manage that... Did the same with my mom, spent quite a lot of time there in the 6 weeks (which I'm very grateful I did), doing what needed to be done, help my dad out but when I came back home I'd just fall to pieces... selfish bit... Dad lives with me, so now where do I go to have my breakdown? Wait until 1am and sneak into my den as tonight?! uckedy uck uck uck (skipped the f's for now!)
If anyone has any pearls of wisdom I'd love to hear them.
Once sunny, now quite frankly 'uckin' overcast Jude x
