Not coping very well with news my sister has terminal cancer
FormerMember
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My sister was told she had primary lung cancer with secondary on her spine and kidney on Monday. She just assumed she had a chest infection because she didn't feel poorly in any way. She has been told she has up to 6 month without treatment and 12 with. She is my only sibling and are as close as it's possible to be. I'm not coping, I can't stop crying, I can't go out because this wave keeps coming over me and I feel like screaming. I know I need to be strong to help my sister but I just can't pull myself together. I know im being so selfish can someone give me some advice how to deal with this
it's very difficult and very sad. I have been told that those closest to those that are diagnosed suffer the most. I'm not convinced about this but I found with my dad's diagnosis being very similar to your sister's I was scared and worried about him more than myself, add that to my own worries and it's overwhelming.
I truly hope that during the next few months your sister can have good quality of life. I know with the timescales they gave my dad they were amazingly accurate and all the way through, they were spot on. Dad was fit and well when he started chemo and I had hoped that he would remain this way but it is hard on their body and it didn't turn out that way.
If you need to scream, go out and do it. Go with your emotions. Spend quality time with your sister, talk, laugh and share fond memories whilst creating new ones. I honestly think that however cruel cancer is, we do get a lot of chances and opportunities to be close to them, love them, cherish them and be there for them. It is a very special time you are facing and you have the chance to make it as good as you can. Not everyone gets that chance when losing a loved one.
Just let it all out, you are bound to feel the way you do it's not a question of pulling yourself together you have had a awful shock. From my experience we get the strength from somewhere there will be so much to do it takes over and your primary concern will be to do all you can to help her. Many of us have trodden that path not thinking we would be able to cope, not believing it was happening to us then as I said from somewhere the strength will come.
How do you think you should be able to cope with this? it sounds to me that your reactions are totally understandable and very normal.
I lost my sister, who was my only sibling, three years ago. When she had her terminal diagnosis I was devastated. I went in and out of belief over the year she had left. Her treatment made her appear really quite well, and she was very brave, so I could manage to avoid what I knew was going to happen after a while and enjoy her.
I so value the time I spent with her that year, and that is my advise to you. Don't be too hard on yourself, she is your sister, you love her, and you have a right to be distressed, it is not fair. Once you have recovered from the initial shock you need to try to be the sister she needs you to be. Take her lead and talk about it if she wants, and don't mention it if she can't cope. Cry with her if it feels right, or with someone else or alone if she cannot cope.
Trust your instincts, use the support of this website, and message me any time you like.
Thankyou for being so understanding Linda. I know what I have to do now, I don't feel quite so self absorbed now having read your lovely message. Thankyou xxx
My sister has been told she has six to 12 months to live found neck lumps told it was secondary cancer she has liver lung brain and lymph gland cancer she is younger than me I m finding it very difficult to cope with we lost our dad at 92 years old that we all looked after she as much as her other three sisters only a month ago feel angry and upset she has had to deal with this instead of looking after herself feel its so unfair she has been my best friend sister she has not been retired for a year and my dad has had us dancing to his tune Feel angry at the world and my dad she is detorating before my eyes
We were given a 6 to 9 month time line in our case. The first weeks were the hardest because that is when we did a lot of grieving. I think what you are experiencing is totally normal. After we worked through some of the grief, (it is still there but we eventually got it compartmentalized so it isn't all consuming), we have spent the past months focusing on making the most of the time we have left. We still have our moments and I'm sure you will too but it does get easier. We are now in month six and the signs that the end is nearing are starting to arrive. I'm still not ready but I'm happy for that time in between when we did things together for the sake of it and not because it made sense.
Do your grieving and then get busy making the best of the remaining time.
Thank you so much for your reply we are trying to make the most of our precious time her sons wedding two weeks ago and a family get together this weekend really looking forward to it but she is having major melt downs such a lot to take in , in such a short time we her sisters live quite a long way from each other but speak every day she has so many appointments its unbelievable and I know I and we have to be strong for her we are going to hers because its easier for her but we are taking all the food etc told her husband and her they must do nothing wishing you all the best.
