Navigating caring for someone with Terminal cancer

Hi Munchkin

Welcome to the forum.

I am really sorry to hear that your friend has had a diagnosis of tongue cancer with lymph node involvement. I understand that it must be difficult on top of his Alzheimer's. 

I see that you have joined the Carer's forum which I am sure you will find a supportive and safe place to share how you are feeling and to get support. I see that one of my fellow Community Champs Steve has answered your post in that group and added a really good link to some Macmillan information and given some advice re a Carer's assessment. 

Supporting someone with an incurable cancer is not easy and it is important that you feel supported yourself. We do have the Support Line available from 8am-8pm daily if you feel like talking things through would help. They can also have a look to see if there is any support in your local area for you both. 

This link has some general information that may be of help. 

Supporting someone with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support

If there is anything else you need, then you know where we are. 

Jane

Hi Jane,

Thank you for your reply. Before I joined this forum, I was feeling very supported. Im almost 41 and have been a carer to my friend for about 12 years no.b

I feel guilty as prior to his Cancer diagnosis. I felt like telling social services that I couldn't  do it anymore due to the way he would speak to me. I had got to the point that I couldn't take anymore. 

Im struggling as Im trying to manage his care along with supporting my husband who's struggling with his mental health. Ive also injured my shoulder so managing my pain as well

Gill

Hi Gill

To be a carer for someone else for 12 years is something that many people would struggle with. Supporting someone with an Alzheimer's diagnosis is not an easy thing to do. You should feel no guilt in reaching the point where you know that you need support. 

Do you ever have any respite care for him?

If he has a diagnosis of cancer there should be a cancer nurse assigned to him. Mine was called a Macmillan Support worker. Are you able to contact them and ask for some extra support- to get some care put in place- to at least give you time to focus on your own recovery and supporting your husband. 

Is he being offered any palliative care/treatments at all? 

Is his GP supportive and would they be able to arrange some form of support/extra help. Would a social services referral be of any help? 

Are you able to give the Support Line a call and see if they can have a look in your local area to see what may be available. 

These links explain some of the support that may help. 

Dementia, social services and the NHS - NHS

Help and support with dementia care | Alzheimer's Society

I am sorry that you are going through all of this and it sounds like its a very challenging time. Do give the Support Line a call if you can though as they will be able to talk to you in confidence about what may be available and give you advice on what your next steps could be. 

Jane

Hi Jane, 

We haven't had any respite care as all of the assessments that he's had have always concluded that his needs are more of support than care. Im closed by them as his PA rather than carer. 

I would like to meet a PA that does as much as I do, in all of time I've never met one. 

We have support from the community palliative care team and he's had a course of palliative radiotherapy.

His GP are awful, I have had to complain multiple times to then as they have messed his prescription up for the pain relief at various times. 

I doubt they would sort any other support. 

I will have a look at the info that you highlighted to see what  I find from there. 

Gill